Firefly Lane (Briar County 1)

“It felt good. I forgot what it’s like building something, working with my hands that way. I enjoyed it. You sure you like it? I know I did my own thing in some places. If it’s not okay, I can change anything. I want you to be happy with it. That’s the most important thing.” There was a slight edge of insecurity to Holden’s voice that Roe wasn’t used to hearing there.

“I do. I love it. This place is perfect. Thank you, Holden. I’m not sure what to say.” He’d always thought he was pretty good with words, but sometimes, he didn’t feel it around Holden. It was like he didn’t have the right ones.

“You don’t have to say anything. As long as you like it, that’s all I need to know.”

“You kept track of your hours, right? Like we talked about?” Roe was going to pay him at the end for hours worked. “And you got extra material, so I need receipts for that too.”

“Nope. I’m not taking money from you for this. I wanted to do something nice for you.” He rubbed a hand over his face, his eyes darting down, as if he was embarrassed. He left a smudge of dirt on his cheek.

“I can’t accept that. I have to pay you for your work.”

“You took in my family when I wasn’t there to do it, Roe. This is nothing compared to that.”

Damned if his stomach didn’t suddenly feel light. It was the first time Holden had called him Roe. “But this is—”

“Not nearly enough,” Holden cut him off. “And if it makes you feel better, just tell yourself I did this for me more than you. I really fucking enjoyed it. I think I needed it—building something this way.”

Roe knew there was no arguing with that. He didn’t like taking the work for free, but he could hear how important it was for Holden, and Roe wanted to give him that. “Thank you.” Roe stepped forward, then another step and another until he was standing right in front of Holden. He lifted his hand, used his thumb to wipe the smudge of dirt from his cheek, then dropped his arm. “You got yourself all dirty,” he said, his voice cracking. Just when he got the words out, Holden’s cell phone rang, and they jolted away from each other as if there hadn’t already been space between them, as if they were doing something wrong.

They weren’t…were they?

But there was no denying how Roe felt. How much he wanted Holden, and if Holden felt the same and didn’t have a boyfriend, Roe’s mouth would have found his just then.

“It’s Vince.” Holden gave Roe his back and put the phone to his ear. “Hey, you.” Vince must have been speaking because Holden was quiet. Roe should leave, give them their space to talk, but he couldn’t seem to unroot his feet. “I just showed Monroe the barn. I got her all finished today. He’s impressed.” More quiet. A chuckle. “Yeah, you’re right. Most people are impressed by me.”

Roe’s gut twisted, even though he had no right for it to. He shouldn’t like Holden, but he did. They were friends, good friends, and Roe wanted him. That truth was plain and simple. He wanted Holden beneath him, on top of him, wanted on his knees for him and to push Holden down to his as well.

Fuck, he was a bastard. He would never do any of those things. He wasn’t the kind of man to cheat or be with someone who’d made a commitment to someone else, but that didn’t take away from his physical desire, even if he wouldn’t act on it.

“Next Friday?” Holden ran a hand through his hair again, then turned and faced Monroe. “Yeah, sure, you can come. I know Marilee wants to meet you. I’m on the couch here, but I’ll see about getting us a room.”

He was coming there? Vince would be in Harmony?

This time, it was Roe who turned around. He walked away, not out of the barn, but giving himself some space, looking around at the work Holden had done for him and feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world. He was lusting over a man in a relationship. Christ, he needed to get a grip.

“Okay, yeah, sounds good. I’ll pick you up at the airport,” Holden said.

They ended the call, and Monroe couldn’t help noticing they didn’t say I love you.

“We can have a big barbecue out here.” What the fuck? Why had he offered that? Still, the words kept coming. “I’ll use the smoker, which’ll make it even better. We can show Vince how us small-town boys do it. I’ll have Linds over, and Marilee and Sean, of course. I’m sure you’ll want to spend some time with him alone, but I know he’ll want to see your family too. Could be fun.” Roe finally realized what he was doing. He was reminding himself that Holden was taken. That he was okay with it. That they were friends, and everything was normal, and there was no reason to pretend otherwise.