Because the only time she had been noticed during junior or senior high school was when she had been bullied.
The exact reason why she skipped her fifth, tenth and fifteenth class reunions. For a long time she figured none of those people were worth her time or attention. But then after her divorce, she suddenly felt the need to face them again. The same way she faced her ex across the table during mediation.
It hit her that, when she survived her divorce and survived her husband cheating on her, she was strong enough to survive seeing the people who treated her like nothing. Less than nothing.
She was a strong, successful woman and it was time to act that way and show the world—and herself—it was true. Shay Diggs had a damn spine and that spine was now built from steel.
But here she was, standing in a motel, back in Manning Grove, Pennsylvania, the place of not so great memories, bending over and shaking her breasts because the man who worked there simply told her to.
Like suddenly she lost that spine and became a puppet.
Maybe it was foolish, but, hey, his advice couldn’t hurt. And with what he suggested, she suddenly found herself back in her own skin and not feeling like she was wearing a costume, trying to be someone who she certainly wasn’t.
Because in truth, she was hardly conservative. She was more of a free-spirit herself. She thought once again about the beaded necklace he hid.
“Since you didn’t answer, gonna take that as a no. So, you ain’t tied down with a ball and chain, got no kids. You’re a goddamn free woman.”
That was a weird comment, but it was true. She now only answered to herself. But she was curious… “How about you? Are you free?”
“Nobody’s really free, sweetheart. Freedom’s just an illusion. But you gotta own that shit and live as free as you can.”
The guy was a little rough around the edges but he did have some good advice. That made her say what she said next. “I hate to admit this but… I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
“How they’ll treat me.”
His eyebrows pinned together. “Who?”
She flapped a hand around. “Any of them. All of them.”
“Then why the fuck are you goin’?”
Right. A simple question with a not-so-simple answer.
For the most part, she wanted to prove to herself she could. But if she told him that, he’d want to know why and she didn’t really want to explain it.
While he acted like he knew her, in reality, they didn’t know each other at all. They were strangers whose paths just happened to cross at that moment. After tomorrow, they’d continue on their own paths.
“Look, trust me…”
Trust me. It was really strange, she normally didn’t trust people right off the bat, it took some time for someone new to gain her trust. But something about him settled her and made her want to trust him. Again, maybe it was foolish… But it wasn’t like they were going out on a date or anything, he was just an employee in the motel she happened to be staying at.
How outspoken he was kind of amused her. She wished she could be more like him without worrying about someone judging her.
Again, a deeply ingrained worry. She had worked hard on that issue over the years but hadn’t completely eradicated it.
“Those motherfuckers are gonna be jealous as all fuck. A lot of them are gonna be stuck in miserable marriages, got too many kids or kids that hate them. You’re gonna walk your sexy ass, wearing those sex-assed heels, into that reunion and act like a boss. In attitude and also in reality since you are your own boss. Gotta answer to no one but yourself. Right?”
She smiled and forced herself not to hide it. “You’re right. I’m going to go in there like a fucking boss.” That was the whole reason she came back. To do just that. To show them she was no longer invisible.
He grinned. “For fuck’s sake, sweetheart, that smile…”
As soon as she flattened it out, he shook his head and frowned.
He stepped toe to toe with her, cupped her face with his big hand and locked those amazing gray eyes with hers. “Know it when men tell women to smile, they hate it. Sometimes their nuts even get rearranged. So, I’m gonna take a big fuckin’ risk here and tell you to smile. You smile like you just did when you’re there tonight, you’re gonna own them.” He shook his head. “Fuck that. You’re gonna own the fuckin’ world.”
“You really know how to give a pep talk. Do you have your own self-help podcast?”
“My own what?”
She shook her head.
His fingertips brushed along her skin as he dropped his hand and took a step back, finally giving her some space. “Just callin’ it as I see it.”