I don’t know how long we’re out on the water. I stay at the helm, driving around the lake. I hear my brothers and my dad laughing and having a good time, and normally, I’m right there with them. It’s not that I’m having a bad time. I’m just… out of sorts, I guess. I didn’t sleep the greatest last night. That has to be it. Even as I think of the excuse, I dismiss it.
“Hey, Aurora just texted me. They’ve got the grill fired back up. Let’s head back so we can help,” Grant tells me.
“On it.” We’re already headed back to shore so I keep the boat pointed in that direction. My head is still a mess, but I’m hoping that when we get back, I’ll be thinking more clearly.
Docking the boat, we all climb off and head toward the pavilion area that Dad built when Carter was born. It’s a nice addition and a nice reprieve from the sun on these hot summer days. We used to use the gazebo for that, but our family is growing by leaps and bounds, and it’s just not big enough for all of us comfortably anymore. Besides, Dad had fans installed under the pavilion, and the flow of air is like a tall glass of ice-cold water on hot days.
I take my time trailing behind my brothers and my dad, approaching the pavilion. My eyes scan the area. Mom and Layla are at the grill. Sam and Aria are playing in the small sandbox area. Mom insisted we build it for the kids. Sawyer, with Roan in her arms, is already headed toward Royce. Aurora is already in Grant’s arms as he kisses her. Aspen is sitting at the picnic table holding Madeline, with Wren sitting next to them. They’re laughing and talking about who knows what, but I’m glad she fits in so well with them.
Conrad approaches and kisses Aspen, then holds out his arms for Madeline. I stop walking and watch the four of them. Conrad bounces Madeline, and from where I’m standing, she seems to be doing okay with him holding her. I know that’s a good thing, but there is a part of me that’s… what is this feeling? Jealousy? It makes no sense, but I can’t call it anything but that. I’m jealous that that sweet baby girl is letting my brother hold her. I was supposed to be the only one.
On their own accord, my feet carry me to them. I don’t stop until I’m on the same side of the picnic table as Wren and drop down next to her. “Maddie.” I shake my head. “My girl is cheating on me.” I keep the cool, calm, collected pretense that I’m known for present when I feel anything but on the inside.
“I knew she would come to her senses,” Conrad jokes.
“Maddie, girl, you’re killing me.” I chuckle. At the sound of my voice, she turns her little head to look at me. Unable to help myself, I reach across the picnic table and offer her my hand. She juts out her little lip, and I pull my hand back. I don’t want to make her cry. However, that’s exactly what happens. She begins to fuss, and in no time, she’s full-on crying.
Without giving it a second thought, I stand and walk around the table. Conrad hands her to me. “Hey, what’s wrong, baby girl?” I ask her. Instantly she stops crying. I stop walking and look up to find three sets of eyes on me.
“Marsh,” Aspen breathes.
“Dissed again.” Conrad laughs. He’s trying to make light of the situation, but from the look on his face, he’s just as affected by the moment as I am.
This little girl, she wants me.
When I finally look at Wren, she has tears in her eyes. “Hey.” I rush around the table to soothe her. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry. I didn’t think. She was crying, and I wanted to help,” I explain in a rush. “Here.” I go to hand her the baby, but she shakes her head.
“I’m not mad at you,” she says, giving me a watery smile.
“You hear that, Maddie? Mommy’s not mad at me, yet she still has tears in her eyes.”
“It’s hard to explain,” Wren whispers.
“Try me.”
Her eyes flash around us. I’m sure taking in my family. “It’s nothing.”
“Wren?” I wait for her eyes to find mine. “Take a walk with me?”
She hesitates for a couple of heartbeats before eventually nodding. “Okay.”
I don’t look back at my family. I wait for Wren to stand and together we walk away. I don’t really know where we’re going, but I do know that I want to know… no, I need to know what caused her tears.
“Have you seen the gazebo?” I ask her.
“No. I’ve heard about it. This place is beautiful. I can’t believe you grew up here.”