“Anyway, Rodney said that it happened so fast that neither of them had time to react. As soon as they stepped out the back door, the gun went off.” I suck in a deep breath as the emotions of that day come roaring back. The phone call that changed my life.
“I’m right here,” Marshall says as he slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his chest. It’s not lost on me that my daughter and I are now finding comfort in his arms. “You don’t have to go on. It’s fine,” he assures me.
I’ve made it this far. I want to keep going. I want to get this conversation out of the way and hopefully not have to retell it for a long damn time. “The guy was waiting for them. He shot Travis in the chest and took off. By the time the paramedics got there, it was too late.”
“Oh, Wren,” he murmurs, holding me a little tighter.
“They found him, about six blocks over in an alley tweaking with a needle stuck in his arm. They hauled him off to jail.”
“Is he still there?”
“Yes. They’re supposed to notify me, since it was murder, if he’s ever released.”
“I don’t have words for you. My heart breaks for you and for Maddie,” he says softly.
“I found out a week later that I was pregnant. It was the day we buried him. I was able to write him a letter, and I placed one of the many home tests that I took in an envelope and buried it with him.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” he murmurs. “Those words don’t seem adequate.”
“He always wanted a family.” I reach over and place my hand over his that’s resting on Madeline’s back. “He would have loved her.”
“He does love her,” Marshall says with conviction in his voice. “He’s up there smiling down on both of you.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do.”
“So, the tears.” I lift my head so that we are looking eye to eye. “To see her so taken with you is hard because her daddy isn’t here. A man I know would have loved her and worked his ass off to give her everything he never had. She’s missing out on the love of a father in her life, and it just kind of got me choked up.”
“What about you? He was your husband.”
“I loved him. He was my best friend. My other best friend, Carrie, we met in middle school and have stayed close over the years. She claims I loved him but wasn’t in love with him.”
“And what do you think?”
“I think it doesn’t matter. I think that my husband left this earth way too soon. I think that he wanted a family more than anything, and it’s my job to raise her and try to give her the world. Just like he would have.”
“Those are tall orders to fill on your own.”
I shrug. “Maybe, but that won’t stop me from trying. I’ll make sure she knows how much he wanted her and loved her. Even without him ever knowing while he was here, I know that to be the truth.” Taking a deep breath, I slowly exhale. “Maybe one day Madeline and I will find a man who can love us both as he did. Because if I know anything, I know he loved me. Not just as his best friend, but as the love of his life.”
“And you feel guilty for that?”
I shrug. “A little. I assume that too will pass with time.”
He pulls me back into his chest. He doesn’t speak, and neither do I as we watch the sun slowly set over the horizon. I feel raw and exposed, but I also feel light. As if a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t want to have this conversation with Marshall, but I’m glad that I did. It was therapeutic in a way.
I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, with both me and Madeline in his arms, but the sun has long since set over the horizon, and I know Madeline will be waking up soon. I’m ready to suggest we head back when he speaks first, stopping me.
“I almost kissed you today.”
“I know.”
“Would you have let me?”
“Yes.” The honest reply is out of my mouth before I can stop it. I want to ask him why he was going to kiss me. Why me when he could have anyone he wants, but I keep the question locked deep inside.
I feel him nod. “You ready to head back?”
“Yeah, she’s going to need to eat.”
He stands and offers me his hand to help me stand as well. Lacing his fingers with mine, we walk hand in hand back to where his family is waiting. I’m sure they’re wondering what happened to us.