Tears, hot and heavy, were running down my face as I pressed my cheek to his. Our tears mingled.
“I wish I’d never spent the last few years ignoring you. I wish I’d had more time,” he gasped.
“I want more time,” I told him, whispering it so softly. “But in the last few months, you’ve given me everything that I ever wanted. I’ve never been so happy in my life.” I paused. “And even though you’re leaving me way too early, I know that you’ll always be there, influencing every single decision I make. And I promise, Murphy. I’ll buy an American car next time.”
He laughed, which caused him to start coughing.
But the smile on his face made it worth it.
Dinner that night was between Guilia, Vlad and me.
We all sat at the table, but Vlad was the only one to make noise as he happily ate the chicken and rice that Guilia had made for dinner.
“Do you think…do you think…” Guilia cleared her throat.
“Do I think it’ll be soon?” I asked quietly.
Though we weren’t in the same room as Murphy, he could still hear most of our conversation if he wanted to.
“Yes,” she whispered, her hands shaking as she brought another forkful of rice to her mouth.
The words partially stuck in my throat as I tried, and failed, to get them out.
Her eyes read my lack of answer, and she closed them, breathing deep.
When she opened them again, her eyes were swimming with tears.
“A mother is supposed to die before her child,” she whispered, her shaking hands coming up to cover her face. “I failed him. I failed him so badly that now I wonder if I should’ve just admitted I couldn’t make it.”
I reached forward and caught her hand with mine. “You gave him thirty-three beautiful years.”
Her breath hitched as she said, “I was a stubborn fool.”
I tilted my head in confusion. “What?”
She sniffled. “My mom and dad kicked me out when I was young,” she said. “Pregnant with Alessio. We were a big, loud and proud Italian family, and my dad the proudest of them all.” She rested her hand against her chest. “I was poor, proud, and refused to ask for help. When I found that job with your grandmother, it was the best opportunity that could’ve ever been given to me. And that’s why I’m not mad, because despite being ‘let go,’ I was still there for two years. That was enough time to get me settled and grounded. But, when we left, I was so wrapped up in making our paths on my own, that I didn’t notice how my son was suffering.”
I swallowed hard at the look of utter desolation on her face. “I mean, I let him starve to the point where he had to beg, borrow and steal to feed himself. If I’d just admitted that I needed help…there are so many government assistance programs made for people like we used to be. But no. Just so damn stubborn.”
I smiled then. “Don’t you think that you’re being a little too hard on yourself? I mean, Murphy is just as stubborn as you are. He doesn’t blame you.”
“No,” she agreed. “But he should.”
“I think, deep down, you love him so fiercely that you wanted to be the provider. And you eventually became that, even at the young age that you were at. With a child to boot. I’m not sure that even I could’ve done as well had I not had my sister and my nursing job to fall back on in case of an emergency.” I pointed out to her. “And I was much older than you were when you had Murphy.”
Dinner was a quiet affair after that.
Together, Guilia and I got Murphy into bed.
He didn’t even open his eyes as we situated him.
We stared at the man, so deathly still, taking up the majority of my king-sized bed and knew.
Today was the last day that he would be alive.
Today was the day that he went home.
CHAPTER 20
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
-Mavis to Fran
MAVIS
“I have to go,” Guilia whispered. “I’m going to…”
She was going to leave, because she couldn’t bear watching her son die.
I couldn’t blame her.
I didn’t want to watch him die, either.
I swallowed really hard. “Would you take Vlad to my sister’s? He…”
He didn’t need to see this. Didn’t need to witness the breakdown that was coming.
Something in which I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, would absolutely break me.
And I would stay broken.
I would learn to work around that brokenness, but I would never heal.
I would always have that large part of my heart just…gone.
“Yes,” Guilia croaked. “I’ll…yes. I’ll drop him off. I’ll be back.”
We both knew she wouldn’t be back.
She would come back eventually, yes. But not in time.
Not in time to watch everything that happened next.