“Excuse me,” I returned, wholly affronted. “I don’t have shoes that cost four hundred dollars. At least not ones with heels on them. They cost far more than that. However, I will admit, my flip-flops cost something around that zone. But they’re Valentinos, and I wouldn’t use them to crush bugs.”
“You’re a piece of work,” he muttered, beginning to turn away.
“You don’t know what I am,” I retorted.
He stopped turning and got that scary look again.
“You think he hasn’t been dicked around?” he asked.
“You think he’s the only one?” I shot back.
That made him even angrier, much angrier, and he didn’t hide it.
“Are you standing there, after you kicked him in the teeth three days ago, telling me that he dicked you around?”
“I didn’t kick him in the teeth,” I snapped.
He got close to me, lifting a hand and tapping his head with his fingers before throwing it out in disgruntlement, all while growling, “Christ, he’s so fucking gone for you, he can’t fucking see straight. He waits months for you, months, you give him a taste and find him lacking. And I don’t even fuckin’,” he leaned closer into me, “know what you’re lookin’ for, if you find Judge lacking. But you do and you kick him to the curb. And you don’t think he’s gonna feel that? You think, because he’s got a dick, he doesn’t have emotions, and when you toy with them, it isn’t gonna mess him up? Well, you’re wrong.”
“I didn’t toy with his emotions,” I fired back.
“Bullshit,” was his stellar retort.
“We haven’t even had a date,” I reminded him. “And I shared how this would get messy and we should abstain. Now, clearly Judge has told you a different story, but he was not the slightest upset that I came to that conclusion. I will quote from him directly that he was fine with that and I needed to get over it because it didn’t last a minute, and now we need to focus because we have a job to get done.”
“You are far from dumb, woman, you cannot have missed how deep he’s in it for you.”
“Well, Rix, since you just met me, you couldn’t possibly know how much deeper I was in it for him.”
He clamped his mouth shut.
Unfortunately, for some unhinged reason, I did not.
“It’s none of your business, but this,” I tossed my arm to the trail, “is torture for me. To be around him. To see him smile. It’s killing me.”
“Then why—?”
“I can’t take the chance.”
“What are you—?”
I got in his face and whispered fiercely, “You love with a love like that, it becomes you. And then when you lose it, you fade away. He’s the kind of man you love like that, Rix. I know it to my bones. And I can’t take that chance. I can’t take the chance of loving like that, then losing him and fading away. So it’s good he’s fine with us not going there. Because in the end, I’d be lost to him, and that scares the hell out of me.”
He stood there, close, staring down at me, his eyes burning.
God, what had I done?
I stepped away, smoothed down the front of my vest, gathering myself, and then requested in a calm voice, “Now, if we could get along from here on out and you would refrain for both Judge and my sakes, but especially Judge’s, from telling him what I just shared, we can finish this task, and all enjoy the rest of our Sundays.”
“I’m sorry, darlin’,” he said gently. “But if you think I’m not gonna tell my boy what you just said, you’re crazy.”
God.
What had I done?
“He won’t care,” I asserted.
“You’re wrong about that.”
“I think you might not have the latest details,” I said helpfully.
“I think I just got all I needed.”
God!
What had I done!?
“If you don’t promise right now not to tell him, I’m going to turn around and leave,” I threatened.
He didn’t promise.
He advised, “Whatever’s causin’ you to think like that about love, you gotta work it out with someone, Chloe.”
“And I suppose that’s Judge,” I said bitterly.
“Well…yeah,” he said like I was dense.
“Did you not just hear me?” I demanded.
“Determined to think you were a cold-hearted bitch,” he said, talking to himself, but doing it staring right at me. “And here you are, something else entirely. Fuck, he saw it. I totally didn’t.”
“Rix,” I bit sharply.
“It’s impossible to protect yourself your whole life from love,” he shared.
“Would you care to bet?” I asked.
“Then tell me, what kind of man are you gonna find?”
“Who says I need a man?” I queried.
He shook his head slowly. “Sweetheart, who’re you kidding?”
After my deranged speech, that was a good question.
And this “sweetheart” was entirely different from the last.
It was like a snuggly blanket on a cold day.
Maddening.
I huffed.
His lips quirked and then, “So, answer my question.”