* * *
I grab my mug and open the back door, stepping outside. The deck looks like the wood is rotting. I walk to the step and sit down, the whole time holding my breath, hoping I don’t fucking fall through it.
* * *
Birds fly over me, and their chirping makes me look toward the barn. I gasp out in shock when I see its condition. The roof looks like it’s fallen in on the right side, and the skylight on the left side looks busted. Bringing the mug to my mouth, I remember the last time I was in that barn.
* * *
It was two months after Reed left, and I was leaving the next day to go to college. My stomach had been giving me issues for a month, but I chalked it up to the nerves about leaving home. Only when my phone alerted me that I should be getting my period did I stop and think of the last time I got it. I borrowed Pops’ car and drove two towns over to get the pregnancy test, and the bag felt like it weighed a thousand pounds when I walked into the house.
* * *
"Did you get everything you needed?" Pops asked me as soon as I kicked off my shoes. My hands trembled, wondering if he was going to ask me what was in the bag.
* * *
"Yeah," I said. “I’m going to go make sure I have everything packed." I smiled at him, and I tried to ignore the tears in his eyes.
* * *
Going to the bathroom, I read the instructions five times before finally taking the test. Putting it back in the bag, I hid it in my pants when I walked back out of the bathroom.
Pops was in his bedroom, so I made my way out to the barn and opened the door just enough to slip inside. Ever since Reed left, I never came in here anymore because the heartache followed the anger I felt. The memory of that night was still the only thing I dreamed of.
* * *
I walked up the ladder and sat down, pulling the brown bag out of my shirt. Taking the test out, I held it in my hand. My eyes fixated on the lines. "One line," I said to myself. “Please just stay one line." I didn’t know who I was praying to that night, but whoever it was didn’t hear my pleas. The second line came out brighter than the first line. My heart stopped in my chest, and the test dropped out of my hand. I lay down on my back, looking out the window with my hand on my stomach, and I already knew what I was going to do. There was no other choice for me.
* * *
"Momma." I hear Sofia's voice. “Are you here?"
* * *
Looking over at the barn, I get up and walk back to the door. “Let’s get this shit over with."
Chapter 5
Reed
"Come on." Ethan smirks. “You got more in you than that,” he says as he stands over me and pushes me to do another set of eight. My arm muscles scream at me as I push up the last one. I lock the weights in place as my arms fall to the sides, and my eyes close.
"That’s enough." I hear Ethan snickering, and I sit up, grabbing my water bottle and drinking from it as my chest heaves.
"What, are you tired?" I tease, and he looks over his shoulder at me. He was not lying when he said he would make me vomit. He pushed me so hard that when I went home, I took a shower sitting down. I got myself something to eat and then collapsed into bed. The dreams never came, and I wonder if it was because I was that exhausted. Whatever it was, it was the first time in over a month I didn’t have a nightmare.
"I still got a couple of hours left in me,” I say, and my whole body clenches in fear.
"Good,” he says. “You can run all that energy off." He points at the treadmills. When Ethan came back home all those years ago, my dad made sure he felt at home. He transformed an old fallen-down barn into a state-of-the-art training facility. The walls are covered in mirrors so you can see what you’re doing. The middle of the barn has ten weight machines in the shape of a square that work your core. Five bikes on one side of the wall sit right next to five Stairmasters. Two leg press machines are against the other wall with three punching bags and five treadmills. An empty space all the way at the end has two ropes lying on the floor. I get on the treadmill and run for over forty-five minutes before turning it off and deciding I’m done for the day.