"I can’t tell you right now,” I say honestly.
"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” my father says, the worry all over his face. “If you need money or you’re in trouble."
I shake my head. “I’m not in trouble, Dad." I feel like throwing up. "Nor do I need money." I shrug. “I just." I think about the right words to say. I think about how to word it, and the only thing that comes to my mind is what I say next. “I found my purpose,” I tell him the truth. She is five years old, and she is the best thing I’ve ever done.
"Then I say"—he swallows, and tears form in his eyes—“you’ve got a job whenever and wherever you want it."
"I don’t want you to just say that or to just give me a job to give me money,” I say. “If I stay and do this, I want to earn the money just like everyone else."
"No one is going to give you anything, son," he tells me. “If you want it, you have to earn it."
"I can work with that,” I say and get up. “I’ll get back to you."
"The offer is there whenever you want," he says, and then I look down and take one step away. “I don’t know what you are hiding …" I stop in my tracks, looking over at him. “But whatever it is." He swallows now. “It brought life back into your eyes." I smirk at him, not sure I can say another word without pouring out my heart to him. Without sitting with him and telling him about Sofia. About missing everything because I was a selfish bastard. About how she smiles like me and how she has the same smirk as both of us. About how fucking amazing she is, and I’ve only spent an hour with her.
"See you later,” I say, turning and walking out of the clubhouse. I get into the truck, knowing who else I need to talk to.
When I get to the gym, I walk in and find Ethan on the treadmill running. “Now you show up,” he says to me, not breaking his stride or huffing out. “A little late, don’t you think?"
"Yeah," I say to him and then walk to the machine where he continues to run. "I had something to do." He just looks over at me, and I stand here with my hands in my back pockets. "What would you do if you were still enlisted in the service?"
"What do you mean?" he asks and lowers the speed of the treadmill.
I think about how to word the question without making him suspect anything. “If you were in the service and you had Gabriel and Audrey back home, would you think about leaving?"
"If I still had time on my contract, then I would have no choice,” he says. “But if I wasn’t enlisted, I wouldn’t be able to leave them."
"Lots of guys do it." I point out to him. “I had seven brothers who all had families back home."
"And I have so much respect for them. Not only are they serving the country and keeping us safe." He shuts down the treadmill. “I don’t know how they do it." Grabbing his water bottle, he takes a large pull. “To be away from your wife and kids all the time for months on end." He shakes his head. “It must be fucking torture."
"I mean, you get to come home on leave." I wait for him to answer me.
"Yeah, and you get to watch your kids grow up via a fucking phone." He takes another pull of water. “Again, I have respect for them, but if something happened to either of them when I was away, I would not be able to forgive myself or look at myself in the mirror. Waking up every single day to my son and my daughter. You can’t replace that. Not for all the money in the world."
My stomach sinks when he puts it like that. I knew last night when I sat on my couch what I needed to do. I knew in my heart that it would lead to this conversation. I knew that in the end I would think exactly how Ethan thinks. I knew, in the end, I would not leave her. "Thanks,” I say, and he just nods at me.
"Is there something you aren’t saying?" he asks, and I just shake my head. In time, I will tell him the truth, but for right now, it’s going to be my secret.
Chapter 16
Hazel
"Momma," Sofia calls my name from the kitchen. “I’m finished." I grab the tray of blueberry scones out of the oven and put them on the stovetop. I’ve been baking all morning long to keep my mind off Reed. Him showing up here this morning shocked me. To be honest, I thought it was either Billy or Casey, which is why I told Sofia to get the door.