"What do you do extra?" I look at Sofia.
"Chess,” she says, and my eyes open wide. “And math club."
"Definitely a momma’s girl,” I say, laughing, and she smiles.
“I look like my momma,” she says, and I just nod.
“You are just as beautiful as your momma,” I say and look over at Hazel, who just looks at me and then down again.
“Do you play chess?” Sofia looks over at me as she slurps pasta.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I tried to learn once. But it’s just too hard for me."
Sofia puts her small hand on mine. “I can teach you," she tells me, and at that moment, I wonder if she knows how much of my heart she has. I wonder if she can feel the love that I feel for her. I don’t give a shit that her hand is full of food and that now it’s dirty. Her touch is everything. I look at the hand mark on mine. I made that, I think to myself. My whole life, I’ve been trying to make a mark on the world. My whole life, I tried to run away and be my own person. In the end, I helped create the perfect human being.
"I’ll get you a rag," Hazel says, watching me just watch my hand. She jumps up now to grab a wet rag and hand it to me.
"I’ve been dirtier,” I say, laughing as I grab the rag. She avoids my eyes with that comment and sits down.
After I finish my plate, I get up and help her clean up, trying to take in every minute I can. "I’m going to go and give her a bath," Hazel says. “You can wait or come back."
"I want to stay,” I say honestly. “But I also want Sofia to be comfortable. When do you want me to come back?"
"After eight is good. She usually has a bath and then reads," she tells me. “She can read.”
I smile proudly. “You did good, Hazel,” I say softly, and I want to bring her to me and taste her lips. Just like I did all those years ago.
"Thank you,” she says, looking away from me as if she heard my thoughts.
"Okay, Sofia,” I say, walking over to her. “I’m going to go."
"Bye, Uncle Reed,” she says. “Come back, and I can teach you chess."
I nod at them both and walk out of the house. I close the door behind me and sit on the stoop, putting my hands on my knees and letting my head hang.
I get up to leave, and I just can’t. I sit down, my head turning around and around. The door opens, and I feel her come out and sit next to me. “You didn’t leave." Her shoulder is against mine, and my whole body comes alive. "I looked out when I was putting the laundry in and saw your truck still here." I look over at her. Her hair is now tied on top of her head, little strands coming out.
"I meant what I said earlier,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere."
She looks at me confused. “As long as you’re here and Sofia is here, that is where I will be."
"I don’t live here," she tells me.
"I know that,” I say softly. “So wherever you will be, so will I."
"Reed,” she says my name softly. "You don’t have to do that."
"No." I shake my head. “I’ve lost five years of her life." I get up now and walk down the steps, turning to look at her. "Five years. First steps, first birthday, first day of school, first day she fell. I’m not missing another fucking second of her life." I want to kneel on the second step and hold her face in my hands while I tell her all of this.
"But you have a life,” she says. “I don’t expect you to give up everything that you have." She wipes the tear away. “You worked so hard to make it out of here."
"And I did that,” I say. “I was supposed to sign another contract next month,” I say now and see her face turn white. “I called my commander today and told them that I won’t be doing it."
"But.” She shakes her head.
"But nothing,” I say. “For the first time in my life, I feel fucking whole. For the first time in my life, there is a reason to me." I point at myself. “For the first time in my life, I can breathe. Fuck, Hazel, I can’t even explain to you how I feel. Because there are no words. The minute I found out that she was mine, everything.” I shake my head and squat down so I can look her in her eyes. “Everything changed. That girl.” I point at the window where I know she sleeps. “She owns me. So I’ll move to wherever you live. I’ll find a job, I’ll bag groceries if I have to. I’ll work for my father. I will do what I need to do to make sure that every single day I get to sit and be worthy of her love." I want to add both of you, but I know it has to be done in baby steps. "I can’t imagine what you went through all alone without me." I blink the tears away, but they fall anyway. “And there is nothing I can say that will ever make it okay. Nothing." I swallow. “That is what I have to live with, but from now on, from this moment …" I put my hands on her cheeks now, holding her face in my palms. “You never have to go through this alone again. Not while I have air in my lungs."