After the Climb (River Rain 0.50)

“As I said, I guessed and I guessed wrong and I’m calling to apologize. I’m calling Tom too.”

“Can’t speak for the man but you might wanna take a minute to think on that because, only a guess, he might be a helluva lot less inclined than I am to listen to you.”

“Well, I need to apologize to Gen, because for years, I was not kind to her. I believed Corey’s shit, I’ll note, the same as you, and she was never anything but Gen to me. Not whenever we had to be around each other for Hale. And definitely not to Hale.”

“I’ll let her know your desires, Sam, but just to warn you, you are far from her favorite person right now so I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

“This was a mistake,” she hissed.

“Recent days, Sam, you been making a lot of them.”

“The first one being falling in love, genuinely head over heels in love with Corey Szabo.”

That was her parting shot.

She disconnected.

And the fuck of it was, her parting shot was a good one.

No defense to what she’d pulled, but Duncan knew a thing or two about giving his love and trust to Corey Szabo.

On that thought, his eyes fell on the letter his closest, dearest friend from childhood had written at some point before he decided to eat a bullet.

Angrily, he snatched it up.

And read.

* * *

Dun and Genny,

I can’t say it enough. I’m sorry. It was me. And it was me because I loved you, Genny. God, you never figured it out. I thought I was so obvious. But you never figured it out. And you picked him.

So I told him. I told you, Dun. I told you Genny and I slept together. And I told you because I knew you’d believe me. And I loved Genny so much, I was willing to sacrifice you to have her.

So I lied and told you we’d had sex.

And I was married.

God, what a fuckup.

I did it to myself, giving up on Genny and marrying Samantha.

Of course, both of you would come to my wedding. Of course, both of you would remember how into each other you were. And of course, you would hook up and be inseparable again. I couldn’t even get either of you on the phone because, if you weren’t working or sleeping, you were fucking. And every day it kept going on, turning to weeks, months, an entire year.

It was torture. It made me crazy.

I had to make it stop.

I told Sam the same thing so she’d leave me, and she did. I had no idea she was pregnant.

But that was the end. She didn’t forgive me, and Dun, you didn’t forgive Genny, and I got part of my way, you two were over. But then Gen, you moved to LA, and Duncan, you went to Utah, and all I managed to do was make certain no one had what they wanted.

I knew, way back then, I should say something. I knew way back then, I should come clean. I should tell you, Dun. Or you, Genny. Make it right, at least between the two of you.

But I didn’t have the guts. I told myself I was working up to it, but then I always allowed something to get in the way.

Always, I allowed something to get in the way.

I had a million excuses as to why I was too busy to explain to the two people I loved the most in the world why I did the most unforgiveable thing in the world to them.

By now, if you’re reading this, and I don’t do something weak, make the wrong decision yet again, and change my mind about what I’ve decided to do, you’ll know how much this has haunted me.

Gen, when you and Tom split, I knew. And yes, that’s just what a puny fuck I am, that it’s taken me this long to get there, knowing both of you are free, and I should finally do something about it.

Please, do not mistake that. I own this. I’ve finally come to terms with the life I bought being the man I became and doing the things I did.

And it’s a life I can live no longer.

It is not about either of you. Or Sam, and all I put her through. Or Hale, and how, as what could only be some form of perfect punishment, I watched him grow up to be you, Duncan, and I could barely stand the sight of him because he was a constant reminder of what I did to my best friend.

It’s about me.

I did this to me by doing the things I did to the people I should have protected and loved.

You know, I honestly considered filling a warehouse with paper covered in the words contained in this box, but I didn’t, because I know how much that would piss you off, Dun.