Wilde Love (Forever Wilde 6)

He stared at me in confusion before somehow deciding Billy’s disappearance was my fault. “What did you do?” he snarled, pulling out of my hold. “And why aren’t you down at Fort Wolters?”

It surprised me that he even knew where I was supposed to be since he seemed so completely uninterested in acknowledging my presence lately. Anger welled up at being blamed for something I’d had nothing to do with, but I did my best to remain calm.

“I stayed to look after the farm. I was putting the chickens to bed when he must have snuck in and fallen asleep. I wasn’t even there, Doc.”

His eyes were still narrow and angry. He was bound and determined to blame me for something, and I was sick and tired of it. I’d been silently taking hit after hit from him for two months now—longer than that really, since he’d returned home to our deceit six months before.

“Why did he sneak out to come to your place?” he asked. “Why didn’t he come to me? I’m his father, dammit. And you’re just… just…”

I felt my nostrils flare wide and my teeth grind together. My hands fisted at my side. “Go ahead, Lieutenant. Say it,” I growled. “I fucking dare you.”

He stared at me wide-eyed, as if maybe he’d surprised more than just me with his unkind implication. I scoffed and turned my back on him, walking away before I said something we’d both regret.

“Don’t walk away from me, Major,” he shouted after me. “We’re not done talking.”

It took all my self-control not to turn around and deck him. Instead, I called out over my shoulder. “Your dad will have my resignation in the morning.”

Nothing but silence followed me to my little house where Billy was just as sweetly sleeping as before. I got him a pillow from the closet and an extra blanket to tuck around him before making my way to my small bathroom to shower off the day’s filth. When I got back to my bedroom with a towel around my waist, Doc was sitting on my bed with his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said without looking up. “I don’t deserve you as a friend.”

He sounded miserable. Despite still being pissed as hell at him, I walked over and tilted his chin up so I could see his face.

“No, you don’t. Not right now you don’t.”

Doc’s eyes widened in surprise. He was so used to me giving him whatever he needed and taking one on the chin for him, he’d obviously been expecting me to roll right over and accept his apology—take whatever scraps he was willing to give me.

Which… normally I would have. But while witnessing his frantic emotional stew out there in front of Betsy’s dormant rosebushes, I’d had a revelation. I could not fix this for him. And I was done trying. He was going to have to mourn his wife his own way without me tiptoeing around him like a scared cat and continuing to take the blame for every damned thing. If he wanted my friendship, he’d always have it, but I was done being his punching bag.

“I said I was sorry,” he said petulantly. “And I am. I was just scared. I went in to check on Billy and found an empty bed. You have no idea what it’s like to be a parent and—”

“Stop right there,” I said, seething with renewed anger. “You’re right I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent, and thank you so much, your highness, for reminding me that I’ll never have that joy as long as I live. But if you think for one minute that I wouldn’t have felt the same bone-deep terror finding Billy Wilde missing, you haven’t been paying attention.” My voice had started to crack and step up in pitch, but I couldn’t help it. I was on the verge of either sobbing or taking a swing at the man. “I love that boy like my own, and you know it. I’d do anything for those kids. If I could have sacrificed myself to save Betsy, I would have in a heartbeat. If I could spare any one of you, of us, the pain of losing her, I would. I would die for this family.”

I turned my back to him and pulled out my dresser drawer so hard the entire thing flew out and landed on the floor. I swiped up a pair of pajama pants and pulled them up under my towel. As soon as I pulled the towel away and tossed it on the dresser, I noticed Doc’s face in the mirror. He stood directly behind me with such a look of pity and sorrow, it was overwhelming. Suddenly, I was exhausted.

I placed my hands on the top of the dresser and dropped my head, squeezing my eyes closed and hoping nothing dripped out.