"You're not going back there," Zach growled.
I reached for my pants and took my time slowly drawing them on, making sure to turn my body so Zach had a good view of my ass as I worked the fabric up my legs. I left the pants unbuttoned as I grabbed my shirt and toyed with it.
"Are you gonna play chaperone?" I asked. "Because I don't think a guy like Rafe really cares if we have an audience or not. I kind of got that vibe from him. I think he even mentioned something about inviting others to join us—"
That was all I got out before Zach closed his fingers around my throat and walked me backwards until my back hit the closet behind me. His hold on me was gentle, so I knew he wasn't having an episode. But the expression in his eyes was clear as day.
He was pissed. Hell, pissed probably wasn't even the right word. Enraged was better. But it was a quiet rage that left me apprehensive.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Zach asked softly.
Too softly.
His body was so close to mine that I could feel his reaction to my needling. There was no mistaking the erection that was pressing against his jeans and into me. My intention to mess around with him flew by the wayside as my body went up in flames. I'd never been so turned on in all my life. I didn't know what that made me, but I didn't care either. All that mattered to me was that I was his. Whether it was for a few seconds or a few minutes, I didn't care.
I was his.
"Are you?" I managed to ask. His thumb was brushing back and forth over my pulse, so I knew he had to feel how my heart was racing.
He ground his hips into mine. "What does that tell you?" he asked. "This is what you wanted, right? To prove to yourself, to me, that I can't keep denying that I want you?"
It was the way he asked the question that kept me silent. Not only did he sound angry, but he sounded disappointed. Like I’d disappointed him somehow.
"Has it ever occurred to you that there's a reason I've stayed away from you?" he asked bitterly.
I shook my head because it honestly hadn't. Yes, he was friends with my parents and his brother was like an uncle of sorts, but I hadn't seen that as a tipping point. Maybe I’d just assumed that my fathers and his brother would understand. They’d get that I was an adult, that my feelings for Zach were genuine, and that my decision to be with him was just that… my decision.
"My parents—"
"It's not about your fucking parents!" he practically yelled. It was the most emotion I'd seen out of him in a long time. He seemed less like a hardened soldier and more like… a man.
A broken mystery of a man.
Zach pulled in a breath as if he were trying to get control of himself. He dropped his eyes briefly, and I held my tongue. I sensed I was in completely new territory, one which I was entirely ill-equipped to handle. My fears were confirmed when Zach said, “Look at that bed, Lucky. What do you think will happen there? We'll start by fooling around a little, you get that kiss you want, and then we’ll make love and spout some bullshit words to each other? Afterwards, we’ll cuddle and talk about our feelings?"
The way he made it sound was ridiculous of course, but even more ridiculous was the fact that maybe I had thought it would end up that way. Maybe there would've been some kinky stuff going on which I would have been all-in for, but yes, afterwards, we would've lain in each other's arms and joked about why it had taken so long to end up there.
"Zach," I began, but he shook his head.
"My turn," he bit out. "You want to know what would really happen in that bed? You'd get fucked," Zach growled. "Literally and figuratively. Because I would take you in every way that I want to, my relationship with your parents and my brother be damned. There’d be none of your precious kissing or sweet words. It would be me telling you how I want you and where. It would be me ordering you to take my cock so far down your throat that you wouldn't be able to breathe. You'd have to watch and wait for me to give you the order to take that breath and then we'd start all over again. I'd come before you… maybe once, maybe twice, maybe a dozen times. On your back, on your stomach, on your knees—for as long and as hard and as fast as I want it. And the only time you’d get to say no was when you were ready to walk away.” Despite the crudeness of his words, Zach’s thumb gently caressed my skin. “Afterwards, that's it. There wouldn't be a repeat and there sure as shit wouldn't be cuddling and words of love or us spending the night asleep in each other’s arms. We wouldn't be exchanging phone numbers or sending cute little texts to each other. I wouldn't be making promises of fidelity while we’re apart and there wouldn't be any declarations in front of your friends or family."