“You need to hydrate,” the tech muttered as he stuck the labels on the test tubes. “Would make this a lot easier. You’re going to be dealing with a lot of needles if you’re donating bone marrow. Hell, the one they put into your hip for the harvest is—”
I didn’t let him finish before I was turning and throwing up into the little plastic bowl he’d handed me after the second failed needle stick. The tech took it all in stride, even finding me a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste kit to use in the lab’s bathroom. I closed my eyes and imagined Nine’s big strong body standing behind me and holding me up while I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Maybe imagining him giving me strength would be enough to help me get through this.
By the time I recovered enough to head back to the family waiting room, I was weak, shaky, and so very, very done. I felt sorry for myself way more than I should have considering Jacks was going through so much worse. But that only made me feel even weaker and stupider. And guilty. Very guilty.
Who the hell was I to need anyone? I wasn’t the needer here. I was the need-ee. I was here because Jacks needed me, and I needed to be strong. For him. For both of us.
When I got back to the little waiting room, I was surprised to see Eli there. “You came,” I said stupidly.
His face lit up, and he stood to give me a hug. He wasn’t as big as Nine was, and he smelled different, but there was the faintest hint of woodsmoke in his clothes that reminded me of his brother and our little clearing in the woods.
“Yeah. How are you holding up?” he asked, taking one of the seats in the small place. I sat back down on the hard love seat.
“Shitty,” I admitted with a tired laugh. “I wish Nine was here, no offense.”
Eli blinked at me. “You do?”
I felt like I was on the verge of more tears which was impossible after the day I’d had, so I simply nodded. Eli looked uncomfortable, but I assumed it was because I was talking about his brother in that way.
We sat together in silence for a while, pretending to watch the cooking show on the television in the corner. Eli tapped at his phone a little bit, but I assumed he was texting his girlfriend, Rissa.
“How’s Rissa?” I asked, making conversation. He’d come all this way, so I should at least be grateful enough to have a conversation with him.
He chuckled. “Don’t know. She’s in Vegas with some friends for a bachelorette weekend. Well, it was supposed to be a weekend, but they extended it.”
He looked up at me with a grin. “I told Nine as soon as he gets home to Wheatland, she’s going to rope him into a shit ton of dates with her friends.”
And just like that, the nausea was back. “He’s gay,” I said stubbornly, even though he wasn’t. Not really. It wasn’t fair of me to claim him for my team simply because I was jealous as hell.
“Nah,” Eli said, not looking up from his phone. “It was just a phase. Like one of those experiments other people do in college, you know? Except he never went to college.”
I stared at him. “Are you kidding?” Since when had my best friend been that stupid?
He shrugged and sat back, closing his eyes and resting his head against the vinyl wall behind him. “You gave him a taste, and he got it out of his system. Easy peasy.”
I wanted to punch the guy. “It wasn’t like that,” I snapped. “I cared about him. Still do, as a matter of fact. It wasn’t an experiment at all.”
He shrugged again without opening his eyes. “Well, Tank Peterson’s gay. He owns the fitness center in Wheatland. Maybe he’ll give Nine a try. Wonder if Nine likes big guys. Tank does those weight lifting contests.”
I clamped my teeth together, but it didn’t stop the tears from spilling over. “Stop talking about him with other people,” I said in a rough voice. “It’s mean.”
Eli looked up in surprise. “What do you mean? You’re the one who didn’t want him, right? You wanted your life in LA. Didn’t even ask if Nine might have wanted to go with you?”
I was all mixed up in my head, but there was one thing I knew for sure. “I do want him. I want him right now. I need him here.” More tears flooded out with each word. “I need him,” I said again softly. I sounded pathetic, but I was tired down to my bones.
“You have me though,” Eli said. He seemed to be searching me for something—a reaction of some kind.