He rattled off more complaints about aging and finicky equipment which was always a challenge on a small farm. While he spoke, I tried desperately to figure out how to say no. I’d never said no to him in my life.
“I can’t, Dad. I have a job in Minnesota, and they want me there first of August,” I tried.
“Tell them they can have you by the tenth. That oughta be fine.”
I rested my forehead on my palm. “Dad. That’s not how the corporate world works. They said the first of the month because that’s what the legal contract says. That’s when they need me. I’m not the only one who can bale hay in Wyoming. Can’t you—”
“What’s this really about, son?”
“Sir?”
“Your mother said doing that job down there in Colorado has got you confused about yourself. And I didn’t believe her one bit, but hearing you say you’re not even coming home to help on the farm? That’s not like you, Nine.”
“I’m not confused,” I said. “I like what I’m doing. I’m excited about fixing up houses like this for a living.”
“Is this because of Cooper Heath?”
Just hearing his name made my chest tighten. “No, Dad. He’s not even involved in this. He’s in LA doing work on a film. The job is just for me.”
Which of course made me even more depressed. It was ten times more fun doing this job with Cooper by my side.
“Well, good. At least we got that part straightened out so to speak.” He finished that zinger off with a chuckle.
My whole body went tingly and strange. This was the moment whether I liked it or not, whether I was ready or not.
“Dad. I’m in love with him.”
Silence.
I hadn’t ever been great at withstanding my dad’s silence. “I’m sorry if that—”
He cut me off, but he didn’t sound angry so much as confused. “I don’t understand. I thought this was all pretend for the money.”
“It was. But… but then I got to know him and I…”
“Son… it’s not that I’m… judging you or anything, because it’s not my place to decide what or who makes you happy in this life, but… I guess I don’t get how a man can have a girlfriend and then a boyfriend. Like… did he say something to make you change your mind about who you were?”
Now it was my turn to chuckle. “No. I’m the same as I’ve always been. I just realized that I needed to find the right person before I had strong feelings, and now that I have… well, that person happens to be a man. It was as much a surprise to me as to you probably.”
“Well, like I said, I’m not sure I can understand it, but I’ll do my best to respect it. You know I’ve always liked that boy anyway. He’s been nothing but friendly and helpful whenever Eli’s brought him around.”
My nose started to run, and hot tears escaped. If Cooper had been here, he would have made a joke about me being for sure gay now with all this drama. “Thanks, Dad. But I’m not sure it much matters now. He’s off in California having a big life as a movie star.”
“And?”
“What do you mean, ‘and’?”
“And what are you going to do about it? No son of mine just lays down and gives up when the fat hits the fire. You’ve got to fight for what you want. You remember that time you started your little garden plot for 4-H?”
“Yeah.”
“That plot was full of rocks. It was one of the reasons I gave it to you to use. I figured you’d realize how many rocks were in there and give up. I’m not proud to admit it, but I didn’t want you wasting resources on a garden I didn’t think you’d follow through on. I should have known better than to judge you based on your brother’s failed attempt at a similar project the year before. Anyway, you didn’t let those rocks stop you one bit. You stayed out there and removed every damned one of them.”
“I remember. My hands were shot to shit,” I said with a laugh. “But I wanted that garden.”
He let the last sentence lie there like an echo.
“Exactly,” he said quietly. “You wanted it. So you did what it took to get it. Even though it was hard. Even though it hurt. Some things are worth a little discomfort, Isaac.”
My father, the philosopher.
“Thanks, Dad.”
He took a breath and snapped back into booming dad mode. “Like harvesting, for example,” he teased. “Harvesting is worth the pain, son. Come see for yourself. First of August. See you then.”
I got off the phone laughing. And just like that, I knew what I had to do. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth the discomfort.
I hoped.
34
Cooper
Getting back into the mindset of my character wasn’t easy. I was tired and sore from the procedure and the stress of worrying about Jacks, and I selfishly missed my sexy lumberjack. I planned to return to him as soon as the film cut me loose, but for some reason I was antsy about it, like the more time that passed without seeing him might mean the less chance he’d still be interested in figuring out a future together.