Sara frowned again. “Yes, let’s get back to that part now. How does one become accidentally married, Parrish? I know a thing or two about law, and I’m fairly certain that’s not legal.”
“Well.” I’d spent a lot of time pondering that very question on the ride back to town. “I’m not a hundred percent sure. They put a bunch of forms in front of us—affidavits and petitions and whatnot—that were mostly a formality. I thought Diesel was paying attention to everything, ’cause he was sitting there frowning and nodding, so I just signed where he signed.” I winced. “Uncle Beau would kill me if he knew that. First thing he ever taught me about business was not to sign anything I hadn’t read.”
Miss Sara shook her head and turned back to her gardening. “For good reason.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m not usually this much of an idiot.” Worry for Diesel had short-circuited my brain, that was all.
“Keep going,” she prompted. “Get to the rest.”
“You’re not gonna like the rest.” I ran both hands through my hair. “In my defense, I was a little distracted. See, the lawyers explained things—this form is about Marigold’s education, this one is your prenup, this form simply confirms your intent to get married, and so on—and they asked me some questions, like, ‘Do you enter into this contract willingly, Mr. Partridge?’ And ‘Do you understand this is a legally binding agreement?’ And I said yes, because of course. And they asked if we’d be reciting our own vows, and I said heck, no, ’cause I couldn’t imagine I’d ever wanna do that, even for a fake wedding that would never happen, and Diesel said, ‘Just skip that whole part, please.’”
Miss Sara muttered something that sounded a lot like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” but couldn’t have been, ’cause I’d never heard her cuss before.
“Pardon?”
“I said please hand me the rake. The… the little rake. In the bucket. I need to aerate the soil before I plant those tulips for next spring.”
“Oh.” I got her out the rake and handed it to her. “Anyway, Diesel kept getting more and more anxious. I thought—” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. “I thought it was just about the lawyers, you know? He’s been so prickly for days about that. And I figured he was worried they were Beau’s people, not his own, and maybe he wasn’t getting a fair shake. Every time they brought out another form, he’d sit up straighter and tug his collar a little harder. By the end, his eyes were glazed over, and all I could think was that I had to get him out of there, so I did.” I hesitated, then added, “They congratulated us, when it was all said and done. But I thought they meant congratulations on finishing up all the paperwork.” I wriggled my fingers in a tiny jazz-hands movement. “Yay!”
Miss Sara watched me with her mouth hanging open.
I shrugged sheepishly. “I mean, in retrospect it all seems a bit obvious, but at the time it was really overwhelming.” I pulled at a clump of grass. “And then we went out for lunch, and even after we found our… our marriage certificate—” I had to bite my lip a little, because those words conjured up so much want inside me. “—we laughed it off. He teased me about becoming Parrish Church, and I said that was a ridiculous name, so he’d have to become Diesel Partridge, and it was fine, I thought. Back to the status quo. But then he found that adoption form, and he went all silent. It’s a bad habit of his.”
She snorted, but when I looked at her, she waved me off. “Finish your story, honey.”
“That’s mostly it. I told him I’d do anything for him and Marigold, and Diesel decided the best thing I could do for him would be to not be with him at all. He wanted me to give him space.” I made air quotes. “Said it wasn’t my fault, or whatever, he just needed to be alone with Marigold. ’Cause he’s scared. So I told him I understood. What else could I do?”
“But you didn’t understand.”
“Oh, no, I did,” I assured her. “I understand very well. Once he saw my name on that adoption form, it probably all got pretty real to him. Parrish Partridge is the best possible name to have on your paperwork, ’cause I’m such an upstanding citizen, and I’m pleasant enough to spend time with in the short term, but to actually be legally tied to me?” I shook my head, and my stomach went cold. “Can you see a guy like Diesel Church introducing me as his husband? Nah. We’ve had fun, and I’m glad I could help him out, but I’m never gonna be the kind of guy a fascinating man like Diesel falls in love with. It’s time I get that through my skull.” I forced myself to smile just a little. “Too bad, though, since it turns out I’m the kind of man who fell in love with him real easily.”