“That sounds amazing. Thank you.”
I nodded and busied myself fixing bowls for us while Parrish grabbed the slices of bread and slathered butter on a few. After pulling out a couple of water bottles to add to the spread, we dug in. It didn’t take long before I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I like you. For real. Not pretend. Not fake. Not for the attorneys or for custody or anything like that. But because you’re kind and thoughtful, helpful and so fucking sweet. You’re smart and capable, funny and—”
I hadn’t been looking at him when I’d said all those things, so I didn’t see him lunge at me. His mouth hit mine with a warm smack as he laid one on me. I quickly reached my arms around him to keep us from toppling over. He kissed me like he was starving for it, like he’d run out of words and only had this kiss to tell me his own feelings. I cupped the back of his head with one hand and held him there, savoring his lips until both of us ran out of oxygen.
When he pulled back, he was dazed and glassy-eyed. His lips were wet and a shade of pink darker than his rosy cheeks.
“Me too,” he said breathlessly. “Me too, so much.”
I laughed and leaned in again, kissing him more gently this time and reveling in the relief I’d felt. “I’ll do anything to deserve you,” I whispered.
He pulled back and met my eyes. “You already deserve me. Why in the world would you think you wouldn’t?”
I sighed and looked away. “I’m not the best choice for you, Parrish, and we both know it. But I’m too selfish to be the one to do anything about it.”
His hand shot out and gripped my chin, turning me to face his now-furious expression. “Don’t do that. First of all, you are the best choice for me. Secondly, I get to decide who’s the best choice for me, not you. Third of all, I… care about you. A lot. Oodles, really. So it makes me angry as a hornet to hear you denigrate someone I… care about. Do you get that?”
He seemed so sure, like it was obvious I was the right choice for him and there was nothing wrong with me at all.
I swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”
“Say you’re good enough for me, Diesel,” he said softly. “Say it out loud.”
My teeth refused to unclench.
Parrish’s hand moved until he was stroking the side of my face with heart-wrenching tenderness. “Please,” he whispered. “Say it.”
“I will try my best to be good enough for you,” I said, forcing the words out over gravel.
He smiled. “That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
“I’m a work in progress.”
He leaned in and kissed the edge of my lips. “That’ll have to do. For now.”
“I want to tell you why I’m… this way,” I said, trying to be brave. For him. For us. “I want to tell you more about Beth and my parents.”
Parrish turned back to me after putting eyes on Marigold to make sure she hadn’t crawled off. She’d lain down on her back and was kicking her bare feet through the blades of grass at the edge of the blanket. I could tell she was almost ready to doze off.
Parrish’s expression was sincere. “I’d love to hear more about them. Always.”
I pulled out a crinkled envelope from my back pocket and handed it to him. “And maybe you can help me read this. It’s a letter Beth’s lawyer gave me when he read the will. I haven’t…” I cleared my throat and continued. “I haven’t had the balls to read it yet, but I think it’s time.”
He held the letter and looked from it to me in surprise. “You haven’t read it?”
I shook my head. “Too scared,” I admitted. “Once I read it, that’s it. No more messages from Beth forever.”
Parrish nodded and then handed me the letter back before turning to clean the mashed banana off Marigold. Once he had her cleaned up, he grabbed her and scooted back into the space between my legs. Once his back was against my front and Marigold was snuggled in his own lap, he reached back for the letter.
“Let’s read it together,” he said before carefully opening it. “Do you want me to read it out loud or do—”
“Yes,” I said quickly. “Please.”
I closed my eyes when I caught sight of her familiar handwriting. It was a good thing Parrish was the one reading it. I wouldn’t be able to keep my composure enough to do it myself.
“Dear Eddie,” he began. I snorted unexpectedly, and he paused.
“She always called me that because it pissed me off. Keep going.”
Parrish snuggled back into me, and I wrapped my arms around him and Marigold. With my quasi little family in my arms, I felt like maybe I was strong enough to finally hear these final words from my sister.