“What did you think?” she asked. “Fun, huh?”
“Yeah. Very. Can we go?”
“What, now? But I thought we could wait for Paul and Brooks.” She jerked a thumb behind her. “And Dr. Yates was interested in your reef piece. I could introduce you.”
“No!” I blurted. Then, more calmly, I added, “Wouldn’t it be even better if you waited to see Paul until tonight? A little absence to make his heart grow fonder?”
As much as I was dying to sell that reef piece, the thought of hanging around and making chitchat with Brooks was more than I could handle.
She frowned. “What happened?”
“I need space. From Brooks. Just for a minute. And besides, I want to hear everything about the parade. You looked great up there. Did you have fun?”
She chatted excitedly the entire drive back to the farm, telling me about old friends she’d run into and people she’d recognized in the crowd. I could see the spark of something new in her, something good. She really was making the right decision moving back here. It made me realize she’d probably only moved away in the first place because she couldn’t handle the scandal of her breakup. But now that it was old news for the most part, she was able to be herself again. And herself thrived here in Licking Thicket. The locals loved her, and she seemed much more at home in her skin.
When we pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, she frowned at me. “Why are you being so quiet?”
“I want to go home.”
There. I’d said it.
Ava looked around at the farmhouse, the barns in the distance, and the pathway leading back to the tree house. “We are home.” She tilted her head at me in confusion.
“No. LA. I want to go home to California. Today. I can’t… I can’t…” I stopped talking before I turned into a mushy mess.
“Babe…” She took me by the hand and led me out back and up into the tree house. I sat down on the futon and buried my face in my hands. “Mal, what’s going on? Did something happen with Brooks?”
I couldn’t say anything at first, and she took my silence the wrong way.
“I’ll fucking kill that bastard,” she hissed. “Did he ditch you? What the fuck?”
I shook my head. “No. He didn’t. It’s just that…” I took a shaky breath. “He’s going back to New York, and it just hit me that this isn’t real. It’s like a vacation fling and that’s fine, but…”
The empathy on her face was sweet, but it only made me feel more fragile. I hated feeling fragile.
“You have feelings,” she said softly. I nodded. “But, Mal, so does he. Anyone who looks at you the way Brooks does has to be having big feelings.”
“I’ve seen pictures of the two of you from high school, Ava. Brooks looked at you the same way.”
She paused for a minute before nodding slowly. “And he loved me. He did. Maybe it wasn’t romantic love, but I know in my heart that Brooks loved me. I think he still does. I certainly still love him. For lots of reasons, but mainly because I have a history with him. He’s kind and smart, funny and generous. He’s very lovable.”
“Fuck,” I said, blowing out a breath and running my fingers through my hair. I stood up and paced in the tiny room. “Don’t tell me how great Brooks Johnson is. I get it, okay? I do. That’s the problem here. I need to go. Don’t you see? If I stay here, I’ll throw myself at him and beg him to leave everything he loves in New York. We’ve known each other a week. Less than a week. I don’t want to be that guy.”
“The guy who cares?”
“The needy guy who leads people into making bad decisions. The pathetic guy who falls for someone light-years above his league.”
“Don’t you dare imply that Brooks is better than you!” Ava reached out and slapped my leg. “Fuck you for even thinking that. You’re the best man I know, and I know a lot of good men. You’re worthy of the best man ever, better even than Brooks Johnson.”
“He’s a good man.”
She sighed. “Yeah. He is.”
“Fuck,” I said again softly.
She let me stew for a minute before aiming the emotional dart gun at my heart and pulling the trigger. “You can’t leave yet, though. I need you here. I’m telling my parents about the baby tomorrow. Please don’t make me do it alone.”
I looked up into the spiderwebbed rafters and let out a frustrated sound. “Fine. Fine. Jesus. But I’m not going to the fucking dance.”
She didn’t say anything until I looked down and saw her giving me puppy dog eyes. “You can’t expect me to walk in there alone after everything that happened the last time I went to this damned dance.”