An hour later, Mum leaves me so she can go and cook dinner. She’s making roast for my last dinner before I leave tomorrow. To say I’m looking forward to roast is an understatement. It’s been my favourite meal since I was a kid.
After she leaves, I assess our progress. Claudia had specified in great detail in her will where she wanted everything to go and she had also specified her wish we didn’t drag our heels on this. My sister had a huge heart and wanted most of her belongings donated to various charities, so today we’ve managed to box nearly everything up. However, I realise we haven’t gone through her desk yet so I do that now.
There’s so much shit in her drawers, it’s going to take me awhile to go through it all and make sure there’s nothing in there we want to keep, so I drag the first drawer out to the table and sit down to do this. I separate out the old bills she’s paid but not yet filed, the university letters, and other various documents.
And then I find a sealed envelope.
With my name on it.
My heart stills and my breathing slows.
Why is there a letter to me in here?
My fingers hesitate to open it but eventually I do.
My first tear drops after I read the first sentence and by the end, I’m a mess of fucking tears and heartache.
Dear Jett,
Don’t forget to dance in the rain…
If there’s one thing I wish for you, it’s a lifetime of happiness. I’m sorry I can’t be there to see that through with you but you need to promise me you’ll carry on now that I’m gone and fight for your happiness. I know you struggle to let people in and I know you’re so worried about losing the people you love, but you can’t live your life that way. Life is like a storm, big brother, one minute calm and the next it’s all chaos and mess. Promise me you won’t wait for the storm to pass. Promise me you’ll dance in the rain.
See you when you get to heaven.
Love, Princess
xx
My sister is looking out for me even from the grave.
40
Presley
I drag the casserole out of the oven, fighting with the oven door that wants to shut on me before I’m ready. It plays nice and I manage to get the dish out, but just as I’m about to place it on the kitchen counter, it slips out of my hold and hot casserole goes all over my kitchen floor and the dish shatters on the tiles.
Fuck.
I fling the tea towel onto the counter and storm out of the kitchen to the balcony. I need some fresh air and I need to escape the kitchen and the dining table. All I see when I look at that goddamn table is Jett, and after three weeks of nothing from him, I don’t want to think of his ass or his lips or his hands or anything of his.
The warm summer air greets me. It’s a little muggy but there’s a slight breeze tonight and I lean against the railing, close my eyes, and soak it in. The sounds of Florida Georgia Line drift across the night air and I smile as I listen to the lyrics. Someone close by has good taste.
The music pulls me in and it’s not until the song ends that I realise I got lost in it for a while there. The last three weeks have been hard and I’ve moped around for most of them, but today I made a decision and I’ve felt lighter since. I’ve avoided going to see Jett because of my fear of his rejection, but tomorrow I’m going to find him and make him talk to me. For one, I need to know he’s doing okay after Claudia’s death, and two, I need to know if it really is all over for us because if it is, I’ve decided to pack a suitcase and go travelling for a few months. It might kill me to think of him every time I look at the dining table, but I need to see him one last time and confirm he really isn’t mine anymore.
Pushing off the railing, I head back inside to clean up the mess I made in the kitchen. As I slide the balcony door closed, someone buzzes for me to let them up to the apartment. Erin has taken to dropping in unannounced lately, so she can check up on me, so I figure it’s her. I pick up the phone, laughing, and say, “You just couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”
I’m met with silence and I realise it’s not Erin. And then his voice sounds and my body reacts instantly. It’s like he has this power over me, causing my tummy to flutter, my core to scream out for him, and my heart to soar.
Oh God.
“Presley, can I come up?”
Is there any answer other than yes?
“Yes.” I press the button to let him in and then put the phone back in its holder.
And I wait.