Steal My Breath (Elixir 1)

Her eyes widen. “What’s the point?” she snaps. “I’d say the fact I’m your wife, and we’re trying to work stuff out is the point. If you truly want us to move past what’s happened and rebuild our marriage, we need to dig deep and be as honest as we can be.”

My hands clench and I do my best to contain my emotions. Not an easy fucking thing to do when you’re in the predicament I’m in. “When I told you I wanted to give this another shot and try to put things behind us, I didn’t mean I wanted to dredge up every fucking problem we’ve ever had. Jesus, Jolene, the level of shit our marriage was in before all this happened was almost impossible to deal with.”

“So, what, you just expect us to be able to forget all that and move forward?”

“For Sean, yes. He needs a mother and a father. Together.”

She takes a deep breath and looks around the courtyard we’re in. Prison visits are the low point of my week and today’s visit is the absolute worst. I didn’t want to come, but it had to be done. The courtyard is full of families today, and the noise is almost chaotic, but I’ve learnt to block it out. I’ve figured out how to get through hell each week and survive, albeit a little more lost each time.

Blowing out the breath she took, she turns back to me. “I can’t be in a marriage with two people, Luke. Your mother interfered so much that I thought I would suffocate from the pressure that put on me and on us. I meant what I said the other day about her needing to back off. If she doesn’t, I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.”

I stare in silence at her for a long moment before leaning forward. “You do realise she’s the one paying for your lawyer and investigator? Without her, we can’t afford them.”

Tension settles between us like an old friend. Jolene taps her fingers on the metal table as a rush of cold wind prickles ice over us. Or maybe it’s just our history that does that. Her eyes avoid mine while she thinks about what I said. I count the minutes of our frigid silence and pray a prayer I doubt will do any good that she is moving one step closer to giving me what I need to be able to put an end to this maddening dance we have to do every week.

“I don’t understand you anymore,” she finally says. “After you stopped believing in my innocence, I thought we were done, but I held out hope you’d come to your senses, and you did. It broke me when you cut me out of your life, and it’s been hard for me to trust in us again. I’m trying hard and working at this. But you? It’s like you came back here and told me you wanted us to be together, and yet you act like that’s the last thing you want.”

I can’t contain myself anymore. I push up out of the seat and pace in the spot behind it. Rubbing the back of my neck, I try like hell to process every thought ramming its way through my mind. Impossible to do, because there are a lot of fucking thoughts rushing through. A lot of conflicting thoughts that I don’t know what to do with anymore.

Coming to a standstill, I give her my gaze. “I do want us to be together, but like I said, we weren’t in a good place for a long while, so this is going to take some time to get back on track. We need to focus on getting you out of here first and to do that the investigator needs some information from you. Can we just go over that today?” My voice is snappy, which is not helpful, but I can’t manage anything more than this. Not today when I’m feeling irritated as fuck that I have to be here.

Her lips press together, and she flinches. “I love you, but I don’t like the man you’re becoming, Luke.”

I sit again, and my eyes bore into hers. Ignoring her, I say, “He needs to know where you were the Monday before your mother died. Can you remember?”

She watches me with the newfound angry stare she seems to have mastered over the last month. I’m not sure she’s going to answer me, and when she does finally open her mouth to speak, I wonder what will come out. “Why does he need to know that?”

Fuck.

I shrug as easily as I can manage. “I have no idea,” I snap. “Does it matter? He obviously thinks this information will help him, so can you just think back to that day please?” I’m going to need a st

rong drink after this visit.

Her gaze darts away from mine, and she looks beyond me. A long few moments stretch between us before she finds my gaze again. “I’ll have to think about it.”

The tightening in my chest intensifies and as much as I want to slam my hand down on the table and scream at her to try harder to recall, I maintain my calm. Nodding, I say, “Okay. He also needs to know if you ever took the car to that car wash place down near the river?”

Her patience shatters and she stands. Looking down at me with more anger than she’s ever directed my way, she snarls, “I don’t understand the need for this information. And I don’t like the feeling I’m getting that you aren’t on my side. I’m your wife, Luke. The mother of your child! You promised to love me forever the day you married me. For better or worse, remember?” She bends her face closer to mine. “Well, this is the worse part of our forever, and you need to do better. I don’t want to see you again until you’re ready to do that.”

With that, she turns and stalks away from me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

* * *

“She’s not going to give me the information you want.” I pace next to my car in the prison car park as I hold the phone to my ear and wait for his response.

“Luke, you know the score here. Either you get that information or we’ll be looking more closely at charging you for your involvement in that armed robbery.”

I grip the phone tighter. “You know I had nothing to do with that robbery.”

“What I know is that you were seen talking to the driver of the getaway car on the day of the robbery. Regardless of whether I can prove any involvement, I can sure as hell screw around with your life while I try. Do you really want that for your son?” His smug voice makes me want to reach through the phone and rip his throat out.

“No, Detective, the question you should be asking yourself is whether you want to put my son through that after every-fucking-thing he’s already been through. I’ve given you all the evidence that proves without a doubt that Jolene committed this murder. I have no responsibility in helping you prove she committed the other one you think she did. And my family has the money to take this further. I’ve played along with this for long enough; now it’s time for me to get my life back. I’ll see you in court if I have to, and don’t think for one second that I haven’t been keeping records of all this because I have.”

I don’t wait for his response before ending the call.