She buried her face against my chest, not answering me. When her body shuddered with a sob, I wrapped my other arm around her waist and held her to me. Ivy didn’t like crying. She said it made her feel weak. So I knew shit was bad if she was crying.
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, her long dark hair whispering across my face. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore. It’s fucking killing us. How can I make you understand that you’re the only woman I want in my life and in my bed? Tell me, and I’ll do it. I’ll do any-fucking-thing to make you happy.”
She scrunched my shirt in her hands, thumbs digging into my chest as she sobbed. I hated it when she cried, too. It reminded me of all the times she wept when she first came to live with her foster mother. She cried back then because of the horrific things her parents had allowed to be done to her, and no fucking way did I want to be the cause of more tears.
I pulled away and took hold of her chin. Angling her face up to mine, I said, “Don’t cry. I’ll fix this. You’ve just gotta tell me how to do that.”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a breath. “I know you love me, but when I see those women near you, it does something to me. I know my jealousy is extreme, but I can’t control it, King. I try, but I can’t. And then you fire up at me, and that just makes it worse.” She stopped for a moment, looking at me with uncertainty, as if she was unsure how to go on, but then she said, “You yell at me, and I feel like you don’t hear what I am trying to say to you. You’re so set on trying to make me bend however you need me to that you don’t listen to what I need. I’m tired of being the one who always does the bending.”
I knew our arguments were about so much more than whatever we were fighting over. This was the first time Ivy had given me any hint as to what that was.
“Are we talking about that night shift job?” I asked.
She sighed. “Yes. And other things.”
“What other things?” Jesus, just fucking tell me.
Her forehead creased in a frown. “Don’t get shitty with me again. I’m just trying to be honest here.”
“And I don’t want to have to pry this shit from you kicking and fucking screaming,” I muttered, working like fuck to keep a leash on my impatience.
“You are such a fucking ass.” She glared at me. “It’s almost everything you do, King. You’re demanding and always want things your way. You wanna be the one to drive when we go out, and drop me off and pick me up when I’m out with friends, and choose what mobile phone I get, and tell me when you don’t want me to wear a certain skirt or dress when we go out… things like that. And on top of that, you usually assume you’re right and don’t always listen to what I have to say. It’s too much. You need to let me be me. And you need to let me show you that sometimes I do know things.”
Fuck.
The way she saw things was a whole lot fucking different to the way I saw it. “The reason I do all that shit is to keep you safe and protected—”
Wild energy rushed between us as her mood swung back to hostile. “So choosing my phone is to keep me safe? That’s bullshit, and you know it. And again, you’re not listening to me!”
Fucking hell, I had whiplash. Turning, I took a few steps away from her. I had to; otherwise, I’d lash out. Not physically, but verbally, and that would only move us further away from each other.
I paced back and forth a few times before coming back to her. My eyes met hers again, full of determination. I had to make her understand me. “All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe. Hand on my fucking heart, I do all that shit with that goal in mind. I know I’m bossy and demanding and a pain in your ass, and I wish I could tell you I’ll change and things will be different and all that shit that men tell their women whenever they fight, but I can’t. I’m not going to change because my goal isn’t going to change.”
She remained silent while she processed that, but Ivy had the kind of face that displayed all her emotions, and they all ran across it while she did her thinking. So much so that I knew I’d failed to make her see where I was coming from. “So that’s it then? Things stay the same, you get everything you want, and I just have to make you happy?” She crossed her arms again in that same furious manner as before and waited for my response.
Give and take wasn’t one of my strengths, but I knew I had to meet her somewhere in the middle. Fuck knew how, though, because I’d meant every word about not budging from trying to keep her safe. “I’m shit out of ideas for how to manoeuvre through this, but we’re equals here, so no, you don’t just have to make me happy. You have to be happy too. All I ask is that you’re also safe.” And you let me do what I need to do to make that happen.
She stared at me like I had two heads. “Fuck me, is that you compromising, baby?” Her lips twitched with the hint of a smile. It was her use of “baby” that really caught my attention. I couldn’t recall the last time she’d used it; she’d been pissed off at me for that fucking long.
The way we watched each other changed. Softened. Anger faded as hope flared. “Don’t get fucking used to it.”
Edging closer to me, she said, “Those things I mentioned that you do, they don’t always bother me.” She took hold of the hem of my shirt with one of her hands. The other one stayed by her side. “I just want you to give me the choice, you know? Don’t always barrel in all protective and shit. It makes me feel powerless.”
Her last statement was the puzzle piece I needed. Everything she’d been trying to tell me finally fell into place in my fucked-up brain. Why hadn’t I seen it before? Of course Ivy would lash out if she felt powerless. After having her power stripped from her as a child, it was the one thing she held onto tightly.
Fuck.
I knew I didn’t have it in me to change completely, but I could try to rein my shit in for her.
My arms circled her so I could hold her close. “I love you,” I murmured, before my mouth found hers in the kind of kiss we hadn’t shared for months.
Deep and slow at first, the kiss turned desperate and frantic as I backed her up against the clubhouse shed. Soon we were tearing at each other’s clothes, the need to fuck overwhelming.
It had been months since we’d been like this. Sex had become a purely physical release for us—we got off as fast as we could and we moved on—but this, this was raw and carnal.
Ivy’s clothes and my shirt landed on the ground. She undid my zip and pulled out my cock, eyes to mine. Pumping me, she bit my bottom lip and kissed me before saying, “I can’t drag this out, King. I need you now.”
Within a moment, I had her in my arms and up against the wall, her legs tightly around me. Thrusting