Southern Desire (Southern Heart 2)

He studies me, looking for signs that we went too far last night. We didn’t. I wish I had pushed for more. Then again, we wouldn’t have been able to come back from that. We can bounce back from this . . . I hope.

“Yeah, I’ll make you some breakfast.”

I chatter about the weather, the sunrise, anything and everything to fill the void of silence on the way back to the farm.

“I should probably head home. I need to shower.” I sniff my shirt and make a show of how bad I smell.

“You sure? At least let me feed you first.”

“I’m good, really. Thank you for last night, for listening and taking my mind off everything.”

“Whitney. . . .”

“And well, you know, everything else too. You’re a great friend, Aaron.” I see it the minute my words register to him. I’ve placed him firmly in the friend zone. His jaw clenches, and I can tell he’s not impressed. It’s for the best, trust me. I can’t wait for him to leave. My heart can’t take it.

Leaning up on tiptoe, I kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” I turn and head toward my car. I have to force myself to walk at a slow pace; I don’t want him to think I need to get away from him. I do, but not for the reason he thinks, which is that I am full of regrets about last night. In reality, it’s because I need to distance myself from him. How else am I going to keep him in this friend category?

The drive home is a fog. I keep replaying every minute of last night over and over in my head. I wanted nothing more than to stay snuggled up with him out there on that dock. To let him make us breakfast and spend the day with him, but it’s too soon. I need time to process, to convince myself not all men are like my father.

“Long night?” Olivia says from her spot on the couch.

“You could say that.”

“Aaron texted me and told me not to expect you. You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Not really. I kind of had a meltdown yesterday, and he walked in and whisked me away.”

“Interesting.”

“What could possibly be interesting about that?”

“I grew up here, grew up with Aaron. He doesn’t just whisk girls away because they are having a bad day. He doesn’t spend time with the same girl over and over just for the sake of hanging out.”

“People change.”

She shrugs. “They do, but there is usually a reason for the change.”

“Maybe. I guess you’ll have to ask him about that.” I’m a terrible liar, always have been. I know she can see right through me.

“I’m asking you. What are you not telling me?”

That’s when I spill. I tell her about being upset, about how amazing he was last night. I tell her about everything that happened at the pond, and then this morning when I freaked the hell out.

“Whitney, he’s one of the good ones. You can trust that.”

“You think I don’t know that? I can tell just by the way he thinks he suddenly has to take care of me. But my heart, my heart is still that of the little girl who ached to know her father. Who wondered every day why I wasn’t good enough for him to love me.”

“You can’t let the fact that your sperm donor is a coward stop you from living your life. Your life is what you make of it. You, Whitney. No one else.”

“Mom told me that,” I say, wiping a tear from my eye. “That last day, she told me to find him, the man who would change my world and to let him love me.”

“Whitney, she would want you to be happy. To fall in love and have a family of your own. That’s what parents dream of for their kids. Think about that,” she says, her voice clogged with emotion. “Think about the fact that she knew it was good-bye. She knew it was time and that’s what she wanted to tell you. She knew how you never knowing your father affected you, and she wanted you to overcome that. To find a good man. To love and be loved.”

I can’t control the tears and I don’t even try. Olivia moves to my end of the couch and wraps her arms around me. “I know you’re hurting, you miss her, but she’s still with you. She will always be with you.” She gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. “Aaron is a good guy. One who is honorable, and from what you’ve told me and I know of him, he’s smitten with you already. Take the leap, Whit. Take a chance on him. And if you get your heart broken, I will be here to pick up the pieces. Then you start again. Life is not without pain and sorrow, but it’s the pieces in between that we have to hold on to.”

“I know. I’m just . . . scared. He’s amazing. Once you get past his hard abs and chiseled jaw, there is a truly amazing guy lurking underneath. We’ve only been hanging out a few weeks, and I am already losing myself to him.”

“Good. Let it happen. Don’t fight it. Just go with it, and if it ends, I’ll be there. So will Mike and Mom and Dad. We got you, Whitney. That’s what family is for. But I’m willing to place my money on Aaron. I know him, and he’s not one to waste his time.”

I let her words sink in. He told me as much. Every time we’ve hung out, it’s been he who has initiated it. “I’m an idiot.”

“Pretty much.” She laughs.

“I brushed him off this morning. He’s more than likely done with me now.”

“Don’t count on it.” She holds her phone up, showing me a text.

Aaron: Hey. Whit just left. She seems upset, but I couldn’t get anything out of her. Can you just text me when she makes it home?

“How long ago did he send that?”

“My guess is that you were not even out of the driveway. I knew you were on your way home. I was waiting for you.”

“Gah! I’m going to screw this up. Hell, I don’t even know what it is.”

“No you’re not. What you are going to do is text him that you made it home okay. Then you are going to go get some more sleep. When you wake up, you are going to have a fresh outlook and know that whatever is happening between the two of you is not over. Trust me on that one.” She waves her phone in the air.

I give her another hug. “Thank you, Olivia. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Jamie is my best friend, but so is Olivia. We’re cousins who have always been close. I know if we’d lived closer, we would have been inseparable. We stayed in touch through the school years too. She’s always been there.