Being his friend meant I was no longer being cornered against my locker, but it didn’t mean the jocks actually liked me or wanted me around. Sweet Scott didn’t realize that. In his mind, I was his friend and they were his friends so it made sense for us all to hang out together. But I knew things weren’t that simple, so I’d begged off the house party.
“I went for pizza with Selina and a couple other girls.”
“That sounds fun,” he said.
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, it was okay.”
There was a long pause and then Scott spoke again, his voice suddenly sounding strained. “You spend a lot of time with Selina,” he pointed out.
“Yeah. We’ve been friends forever. How was the football party?” I asked. “I’m imagining that one scene from Sixteen Candles.”
Scott chuckled. “The one with the guy trapped in the glass table and the toilet paper in the trees?” he asked.
I smiled at his amused tone. “Yup, that’s the one.”
“Uh, no. It wasn’t like that. First off, Granger doesn’t live in a mansion. Plus, he has common sense. And even if he didn’t, he has neighbors who know how to call the cops.”
“Okay, fair enough.” I pulled my sheet up and shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable. “So what was it like?”
“I dunno. It was a party. People sitting around talking and drinking beer, some token idiot crying about his girlfriend, a couple thinking they’re being discreet when they sneak into a bedroom but everyone sees them. You know, a party.”
I wasn’t on the popular kids’ party-invitation circuit, so I didn’t actually know. But it seemed sort of pathetic to admit that, so instead I said, “Sounds fun.”
“It was okay,” he said and then gave one of his “I’m relaxed now” sighs, which were different from his “you’re being ridiculous” sighs and his “I’m so tired I can fall asleep standing up but I still have more homework” sighs. Yup, I could differentiate his sighs. Quit judging me. He had golden blond hair, warm hazel eyes, and muscles fucking everywhere. You’d have memorized his sighs too. Trust me.
“So,” he said quietly and paused before adding, “you went for pizza with Selina?”
“Yeah, Selina and these two other girls.”
Another pause. “So it wasn’t, like, a date?”
Uh, one moment to be shocked at the idea of dating my best friend, who I thought of like a sister, and then I started laughing hysterically at the thought of what Selina would say when I told her this story.
“I take it your uncontrolled laughter qualifies as a no?”
I gasped for air. “Of course not!” I said.
“Okay, okay. It’s not, like, a crazy question or anything. Geez, you two spend a bunch of time together.”
“She’s my friend,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. “And it’s not that much time. I spend more time with you than I do with her.”
“Yeah, but that’s different. I’m a guy.”
And that’s when I lost the ability to breathe for a whole other reason. He was right, of course, but not in the way he meant. Actually, the difference he had pointed out was the exact reason I could never feel the way he was implying about Selina and the reason I felt exactly that way about him.
There are moments when you’re suddenly and unexpectedly faced with a life-altering choice. You go one way and things continue as they are. You go another and, well, they don’t. I was smack dab in the middle of one of those moments.
I could have told Scott right then. I could have said I was gay. I could have explained I didn’t feel that way about girls. I could have admitted I felt that way about him. None of those confessions would have taken a lot of words, but they took more courage than I seemed able to muster. Because even though I like to go on and on about how hot he was or that I wanted to make out with him, the truth was I loved being Scott’s friend.
He was always a great listener. We joked around and laughed together. Even watching TV or some goofy movie was more fun when I was doing it with Scott. So, yeah, my friend was hot and droolworthy and all that, but most of all, he was my friend. And I couldn’t bring myself to risk losing any part of that.
“Charlie? Did you fall asleep?” Scott asked, making me realize I’d gotten lost in my head. Again.
“No, I’m up.” I didn’t even smirk at the potential double entendre.
“’Kay, good. ’Cause I’m not ready to crash yet and I didn’t get to talk to you all day. Hey, did you see me make that touchdown?” He sounded so damn proud. It was cute.
“’Course I did. I even got a great picture of it.”