“It’s a mess. And the flower shop can’t support itself. I can’t take from the warehouse without jeopardizing the profit.”
And the truth was there in front of her. Jacob would do a better job running the warehouse than she would. And he’d worked hard for that.
But Jake didn’t look overly elated about it, either. It was like on some silent level they were both grieving loss. The loss of her dream. The loss of what the business once was. The loss of the past. Because moving into this new endeavor into the future was scary and . . .
Lonely.
Somewhere along the way, she’d come to count on Jake. Even when she was a pain, unsure, frustrated, she was never alone in this. From the day she’d gotten there, he’d been, quite literally, within screaming distance. And he made her feel like she wasn’t alone. He understood. Probably understood Walt far better than she ever could.
“I hate the look on your face,” he said softly.
“What look?”
“Like you’re hurting.”
She was. So much. And she should tell herself to woman up and be a strong businesswoman. But just then, all she felt was loss. Loss and loneliness.
“Can you make it go away?” she asked him.
He stood close and cupped her face in both hands. “I’ll try my damnedest,” he said and kissed her. Soft but consuming, and she lost herself in him. Needing him.
Jake didn’t know exactly what he felt, but he was pretty sure whatever it was, Laura was feeling it with him. Uncertainty, guilt, loss. He just wanted everything to work. And somehow he felt like the walls were closing in and the only safety net he had was her.
She kissed him like she understood. Like there was no one else she’d rather be with. At least, that’s what Jake told himself. Because maybe if she really knew what he was capable of, she wouldn’t want to be with him.
He cupped her face and deepened the kiss. Not fast, but direct. He couldn’t tell her what an asshole he really was. That he’d made the deal with Cal. All he could do was wait. Wait and love her in the meantime.
But the thought of her leaving and the thought of her hating him were too much to bear.
She wrapped her arms around him and stood up on her toes as if to get closer to him. So he picked her up and she instantly wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked them to the couch and sat down, her sweet little body still clinging to him.
With her in his lap, he leaned back to break the kiss and look at her face.
“Tell me about your mom?” he asked. There was so much behind her eyes. So much she’d almost said a few times, and Jake had to know what had her wheels spinning like they had been.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say what you love. What you miss. Anything. You want me to make the pain go away, baby?” he asked and trailed his finger along her lower lip. She nodded. “Then I need to know what bothers you.”
She took a deep breath, and with the tip of her nose brushing against his, she kept her eyes on his chest and drew a little circle over his heart.
“I loved my mother, but I’m worried I was doomed to fail her. That I’m doomed to always make the wrong decision. I chased the wrong choice, always, and I can’t take it back. I tried to forget her and this place because I didn’t want happy memories. They hurt. And now it’s all I want, and I’m messing everything up.”
Jake wanted to tell her otherwise. To tell her that of course her mother loved her and would be proud. That her father was crazy about her and was proud, too. But he let her continue.
“After my mom died, I wasn’t the same. Neither was my dad. We were both like a shell. And for a little while, he treated me like the sight of me upset him. Reminded him that she was gone.” She shrugged. “I tried to do everything right, but as the days passed, he got more distant. Like he couldn’t stand the sight of me.”
Jake closed his eyes and ran his fingers through her hair and touched her forehead with his. On more than one occasion, Walt had mentioned how much Laura looked like her mother. Worse yet, she acts just like her, too. Always looking for something beyond this place, he’d say.
“He loves you,” Jake said. “I just don’t think he knew how to tell you that back then. Or knew how to treat you. He couldn’t separate you from your mother. That’s on him, not on you.”
It was the first time Walt wasn’t the perfect hero in his mind. He was a man. One who made mistakes. One who was mortal. Jake loved and respected him, but Laura was amazing on her own.
“I just want to make them both proud,” Laura said. “I’m glad my dad is happy. He let go and seems to be doing well. I just feel like I’ll never find my footing.”
Jake frowned. He didn’t want to push too hard, but he continued. “You could have come back before now.”
She nodded. “I could have. But I was stuck trying to be someone I’m not. Someone else. Someone trying to forget rather than live. I felt like nothing. I had to ask for everything, because nothing was mine.”