Cal was so good at keeping things calm and casual.
“Salad is healthy,” Jack said.
“Sugar gives you a rush, though,” Cal countered immediately.
Refusing to give in to either of them, I put the salad down, grabbed the roll, and took a big bite. Only I couldn’t help but moan around the flaky buttery amazingness, which made Jack smile. Something that took my breath away in a whole other fashion.
“Ah, so you’re looking for comfort food.” I chewed, hoping a full mouth would buy me time. It didn’t. Jack just continued on. “I have a question, and I’m going to expect an honest answer. Do you understand?”
I glared at him and hustled through my bite so I could tell him off.
“Hoo-hoo, she’s pissed at you,” Cal said.
Jack ignored him and continued, flicking the bottom of my chin to have me face him. “I want to know what you want for Christmas.”
That was his question? Judging by the lightness in his dark eyes, he’d phrased it that way on purpose to get a rise out of me. I swallowed down the roll and gave my answer honest thought.
What did I want?
I looked between Cal and Jack, and wasn’t that the question of the century? There was a time when what I wanted was in this room with me. I wanted to let go of fear, gain strength, and prove to myself and to others that I was okay. I wanted to hide in pleasure and never come out. I wanted Jack. Then I wanted to take control, to assert that strength I’d gained and run, sprint far from anything I didn’t wan
t to deal with. I wanted to fight. To be chased. I wanted Cal.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
I wanted life to be good. Wanted the man I love. Men I love. I wanted answers. But the past was true to its after effects. I couldn’t have any of it. Because I no longer wanted to hide or run…I wanted to get lost. And I was alone, while surrounded by the two men on earth that made me feel alive.
What did I want for Christmas?
So many things.
But reality dictated that none of it was possible.
I glanced at the empty corner of the living room. I may not have family left who wanted me. May not have answers or any idea how to get through what was to come, but maybe I could pretend, just for a moment, that life was normal. That one normal thing could bring a piece of simple joy. The kind I hadn’t had in a long time.
I looked at Jack and obeyed his command. I was honest. “What I’d like for Christmas is a tree.”
He glanced at Cal and nodded. Cal smiled wide. Their secret language in full effect. Jack tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and grinned.
“That, we can do.”
~
It was beautiful. The smell of cold air and the sound of two feet on fresh snow crunching beneath my boots was enough to make me think I was on another plane of existence. Not one that was complicated or painful. One that was easy and magical.
We wove through the scattered fir trees. Some smaller than others. Cal walked ahead in his big jacket, an ax slung over his should like some sexy logger. Jack was right behind me. I glanced over my shoulder as we wound through the property. Property, that apparently, was all theirs.
“See anything you like?” Jack asked, with a sexy edge to his voice that had me thinking he wasn’t talking about the trees. And he’d be right, since I’d again been caught staring at him.
His thick gray wool coat fit his broad shoulders perfectly and his dark eyes looked bright and wild with the sun reflecting off the snow and lighting him up like an olive-skinned god.
Oh yeah, I saw something I liked…
But, feigning disinterest was hard, so I looked ahead once more, only to find Cal’s perfect ass in perfect jeans, strutting in front of me like a wall of muscle and manly sexiness. Good Lord, I’d never be able to get away from them.
I turned my attention to the trees and pulled the tie of my coat tighter. Jack had thought of everything and packed us all heavy winter gear that kept us warm and, of course, high-end and fashionable. My chocolate jacket was thick and matched the boots he’d gotten me.
He knew my size in everything. Attention to detail was one of his many qualities. Qualities I wasn’t thinking about. At least trying not to think about.