“And if I say that I’ll take you to the bank, figure out this lockbox issue, then bring you back here…?” he waited for me to finish his sentence with an answer.
“I’d say no,” I said softly.
So much silence passed between us that I started counting my heartbeats.
Boom-boom. Boom-boom.
The rhythm got louder the stiller Cal stayed.
Finally, he pushed off the counter and took a step toward me. He didn’t stop himself from reaching out this time. He simply tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and said, “That doesn’t give me much time to sway you then. Better bring out my A+ game.”
I scoffed, but humor was lining the noise. He was likely thinking that he and Jack would do just that, sway me to stay. Like they had last time I’d brought up leaving. I couldn’t bear to fight with him on this now. I’d set a hard date, but didn’t want to have to actually defend that. It was too difficult.
“How do you feel about last night?” he asked. He’d said earlier it was intense, and that was definitely a way to describe it.
“It didn’t feel wrong,” I started. I’d been in the company of men I trusted. “But, afterwards, I didn’t know how to feel or what to think.”
“Me either,” Cal admitted. “I knew I wanted you. Would do anything to have you. It didn’t matter the circumstance. If you gave me an inch or a mile I would have taken it. But yeah…afterward…” He stroked my lock of hair again. “I didn’t know what to do.”
I glanced at his hand that was slowly running down my long hair.
“You never specified that I couldn’t touch your hair. It’s technically not touching you,” he defended against the rule I didn’t bring up.
“Uh-huh,” I said with a sarcasm.
He stepped closer until I felt his warmth. Leaned into it even.
“Still not touching you,” he said. While a hint of playfulness lined his voice, his gaze was anything but, and his mouth hovered closer to mine.
Boom-boom.
I could smell the sandalwood soap on his skin. So close I could almost taste it.
Boom-boom.
“Still not touching you,” he whispered. He glanced from my lips to my eyes and finished with, “Unless you want me to…”
I breathed in everything he was and almost shook my head yes when a small voice in the back of my head whispered:
Are you ready to choose?
“I can’t,” I stuttered out, half in response to Cal and half to my own thoughts. If I couldn’t choose, I couldn’t close the distance.
I stepped back and Cal’s fingers fell from the lock of my hair.
Breathing was proving difficult. I needed clarity. I didn’t want to say goodbye to the kind of warmth Cal had. But I had to make some kind of effort to get a grip. I was supposed to be collecting data. See if one of the men passed the other. The notion seemed impossible, but I clung to Harper’s advice. If I was going to walk away, alone or otherwise, I needed to be sure. And part of me did want to enjoy the little time I had. Because Cal was right. We didn’t have a lot of time left. But contrary to what he thought, I was already swaying, between him and Jack.
“Lana?” Jack called from his room down the hall.
I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them to find Cal’s hadn’t left my face. With a pathetic attempt for a smile, I excused myself from whatever moment I’d just missed with Cal and walked toward Jack.
“You beckoned?” I said, a little sharply, and stood in the doorway to his bedroom. Though it only looked half like a bedroom, the other side was dominated by an attached office. He had his own bathroom off to the left, but straight head, beyond the
massive bed and rich dark colors, and a pile of blankets were on the floor, where I assumed Cal slept. Jack sat behind a large desk facing me.
Leave it to Jack to have an office everywhere he went.
“I want to discuss the logistics of going to the bank.”