“Damn it,” I muttered, and scribbled another line on the legal pad. I’d spent the last day locked away in my room, writing. Lists. Ideas. Pros and cons. Nothing was getting me anywhere.
I looked at the pages and pages of my thoughts on paper, and one stood out and almost hurt to look at:
Jack vs. Cal.
They each had a column. Despite my best efforts and all the differences that were evitable between them, I was stuck, a dead line down the middle, neither of them edging in front.
There was no choice to make.
I knew it. Had known it the whole time. But I’d tried in every way I knew how—right down to listing their attributes—to see if there was any hope. All that’d been accomplished was making the obvious more clear. And the one thing I’d known all along remained: I can’t choose.
I tossed the legal pad on the bed next to me and let out a long breath. It was New Year’s Eve, the brink of a fresh start, and yet I felt anything but relieved. Yes, this year was almost done, and what a year it’d been. And with the new beginning ringing in at midnight, that fresh start I was counting on was daunting. Because I’d be facing every day after with the realization of what love, lust, and happiness were, but not have them.
I looked around the four walls that had been my hiding place. Maybe Cal was right. Maybe this was a lair. But it was time to get out of it. The running shoes Cal had gotten me sat on the chair in the far corner. It was time for a different approach, time to get out of the corner and run.
Quickly throwing on leggings and a sweatshirt, I tied the sneakers and walked into the
front room, where I was greeted by two large men.
“Going somewhere?” Cal asked, taking in my attire.
“The answer should be no,” Jack said, keeping his eyes on me.
“Actually, I was going to go for a jog.”
“No,” Jack said again, only more slowly this time, like it was the only word in his vocabulary.
“You can’t keep me here,” I said, and his dark eyes lit up as if excited for a challenge.
But Cal stood up and smiled.
“Can too,” Cal said with a grin and held out his arms. “Look how big I am.”
Jack didn’t seem amused, but I kind of was. Cal broke the tension and I headed toward the door.
“The sun is already setting,” Jack said.
“Then I better hurry if I’m to make my curfew,” I replied with mock politeness.
“If you think that mouth of yours and this challenging disposition isn’t going to come back to bite you, you’re sorely mistaken,” Jack said and got really, really close. “And I will bite you, baby. And I’ll enjoy every minute.”
That made my breath stall.
When he stood to his full height, I saw Cal right behind him, slipping his shoes on.
“What are you doing?”
“Going for a run with you.” He tossed me a smile. “Jack will be happy that you’re not out alone, and I will be happy because our runs through the woods typically turn eventful.”
“Oh, no, no way,” I said. “I’m going to get some air and some space, and you two are just going to sit here and deal with it.”
Cal frowned. “You can’t go by yourself. It’s dangerous.”
Good Lord, there was no winning. “I was going to go along the road.” Which had no cars, since we were in the middle of nowhere, but I could keep track of where I was and how to get back. Not that I was going to throw them a bone.
“If you don’t want Cal to go with you, I will,” Jack said.
“I want to go by myself.”