Yours Completely (Reign 2)

She glanced down, and I felt instantly horrible.

“I’m sorry, Harp. I just…I feel like everyone else has secrets. Gets to hide what they want to hide, feel how they want to feel, and maybe I just want that too?”

She frowned. “Wallowing is different than feeling. And I’m not trying to hide things from you. My relationship status is tricky, and when I figure it out, I’ll talk to you about it.”

“Fine.”

Harper had always been this way. She had to figure things out first. She had to be in control. Funny how I seemed to gravitate toward that type of person in my life. Yes, I knew she cared about me, I just hated that sometimes I was the one who seemed to always need advice. That was, until Jack. I had a better idea now of what to expect from men.

And that was nothing.

Harper had been right. Giving away your heart and trust was dangerous, and I learned the hard way.

“Why don’t you have a drink and—”

“No,” I said quickly. Because it hit me then what kind of person I was. And what kind of people were drawn to me. “I get it,” I said to Harper. “I know you like things your way, on your terms. I know you need control, but I’m not the pawn.”

Her eyes went wide. “Lana, I’ve never thought of you that way. I just want to help.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “I know. But…” I had a hard time with people “wanting to help.” Maybe I was being harsh on Harper. The truth was blaring in my face, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. “I just need to be in control of my life. On my own. Does that make sense?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry. I know I can be quick to tell you what your problem is.”

I smiled. “And sometimes I need to hear it. But now that this whole mess with Jack and my dad and Brock is done, I’m taking control back. Not giving it up.”

She nodded. “That’s good.”

“And I know Jack’s not coming back. I’ve made peace with that.” Which was the truth. I was focused on grad school, at least trying to focus. Sure, I was a having an issue with insomnia lately, and the lack of sleep wasn’t helping my brain. There was also this gaping hole in my chest that wouldn’t go away…

Maybe Harper was right. Maybe I was a zombie.

“Have you really made peace with that?” she asked softly.

“I’m trying,” I said. “I’ve spent the last month trying.” Trying not to think of Jack. Trying to not recall how he shattered me in every way possible. Trying not to remember how his back looked when he turned it on me and walked away.

He’d helped me find strength. Even though Brock was still in Denver, living with my dad and Anita, I hadn’t heard from them. I’d caught wind that my father was traveling to the New York branch of his firm on a regular basis. But, when and for how long, I didn’t know.

Realizing where my father’s loyalty lay, and that it wasn’t with me, had stung, but deep inside, I’d already known. Had known for a while. The incident with Jack jus

t helped me realize it and let go of a silly dream that would never come true. My father would never pick me over my step-brother, and he’d never believe me. Even worse, he’d never believe in me. For now, Brock was twenty miles away and in a city I didn’t go to, now that school was in session. I was off their radar, and I could be left alone.

Jack had helped me do that. Helped me deal with issues from my past and move on. He’d taken control when I needed it, only to leave me to figure out who I was without him, or his tight rein. Hilarious thing was, I may have dealt with the past, but I had new baggage to carry.

And his name was Jack Powell.

Instead of healing, I simply traded in one issue for a new model. I was alone. He was gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

The pain had subsided some, but the emptiness was still very present. A new emotion was taking over. Anger. I was past sad. Past wrecked. Past trying to understand or figure out where or how or why. I was just angry.

And hollow.

Gotta love the stages of grief.

“Well, I’m glad you’re trying, and I will also try to not be so…bitchy.” She winked. “Or controlling. But you do know I just want to help, right?”

I nodded. “I do know that.”