Yours Completely (Reign 2)

What was my other option, though? Stay the night with Cal at the firehouse? No. I could have woken him up and asked him to walk me out, which he would have, with my head held high. But the guys would have likely thought exactly what Rhett was thinking right now. I was a woman traveling in and out of the shadows, hooking up with a fireman.

Rhett’s offer was tempting to take. He seemed genuinely nice and looking to save me embarrassment. Judging by the way the guys messed with each other, there was a good chance I could be the butt of a joke, which was not what I was about to become. I couldn’t help but wonder…

“Is this common?” I asked.

“Is what common?”

“Women sneaking out from the bedrooms?” It hurt to swallow, but I did and amended with, “Cal’s bedroom?”

That look of pity washed his face again. “It’s not uncommon,” he said in a soft tone.

I nodded, understanding completely. Obviously, Cal wasn’t celibate. We weren’t even committed on any kind of level. I’d also been warned that he wasn’t a long-term kind of guy. But staring down one of his crewmates, stuck between exits, with my panties back in Cal’s room, I’d never felt so stupid.

“Thank you for your discretion,” I said to Rhett. He nodded once, and I turned to head toward the garage the way he told me to go.

“Hey, Lana?”

I glanced at him over my shoulder just before I opened the door.

“Certain things with Cal may be common, but he’s never thrown up the stick with a woman before.”

I frowned, then remembered that’s what they’d called bringing the truck out and raising the ladder. I just gave a tight smile and nodded. I didn’t know what to make of that. All I could think about was how I’d strayed from a plan that seemed to be a good one, which was staying strictly friends with Cal. Now, I was in uncharted territory and not sure how to react.

As I walked through the garage and out the gate, across the street, I realized that the uncharted territory had a name I’d heard before, just never thought I’d experience:

The walk of shame.

Sickness rose in my gut. Nothing about what I’d just shared with Cal or how he made me feel should be considered shameful. With him was the first time I’d felt warm and alive in a while. But my brain was a bitch, and all that passion I’d felt was now being drowned out by logic.

All my life I’d fought, tried, to be a “normal woman” with “normal experiences.” But if what Rhett said was true and this kind of thing was common, I didn’t know if I could handle it. I was lost more than ever, and had no idea which direction to go in.

Chapter 8

“You all set to leave tomorrow?” I asked, keeping pace with Harper as we jogged down the street. Brown and gold leaves lined the sidewalks and crunched beneath our sneakers. Signs of fall turning into winter were everywhere, carried with the crisp breeze blowing the scent of snow off the Rockies.

“Yeah, it’s not too late to change your mind and come with me,” she said.

I hadn’t told her about Brock and that he was engaged to my thesis advisor. In fact, the only thing I’d really done in the past forty-eight hours was avoid Cal and try to get a frickin’ grip on what the hell I was doing.

I was lost. And no matter how high I climbed or fast I ran, it didn’t change that. So, I’d taken a different approach. Seclusion. At least until I could stop the spiral of emotions churning in my veins. It had been going great until Harper dragged me out for exercise and fresh air. Stupid nature.

“Thanks, but this project—”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, as we rounded the corner. My project was my go-to answer for everything. It kept me busy. Kept my mind occupied. It was a blessing, and the one thing I was still attempting to have control over. But even that was tainted by Brock now. Instead of focusing on school, I thought about Erica, counting the days until Monday came and I could talk to her.

Our house was about five blocks away, and while getting out and letting the cold air hit my lungs felt good, I was eager to get back inside my bubble, effectively hiding from the hot firefighter I had as a neighbor.

Hiding.

The word burned my skull and I hated it. Despite trying to convince myself otherwise, which I had, with reasons like, “Oh, I just need time to think because what started as awesome, ended with me feeling terrible,” or “Oh, that intense orgasmic bliss left my brain cells scrambled, and I haven’t been able to form sentences,” I was, in fact, hiding. I was also thinking about Cal way too much, and how having women sneak out of his room wasn’t uncommon.

Was I just another one of his commonalities?

I didn’t know. Which was why I was keeping my distance. Because friendship or not, I was wandering with no compass or clear path.

Deep breath. Cold air. Clarity. That’s what I needed.

I had no right to feel jealous, or even wonder about anything Cal did, because we weren’t together.