Something very serious and very sad crossed his features. He just continued holding my face and stroking my hair with his fingers.
“Why do I feel so out of control?”
“Because the world isn’t fair and sometimes assholes get the upper hand.” He ran his thumb along my cheek. “You’re a fighter. He can’t win over you. It may be hard now, but in the end: He. Won’t. Win. Do you hear me?”
I shook my head, my teeth gritting together and my skin drumming with emotions. Once I was scared, hell, maybe a part of me still was, which was why I was mad. I was tired of being afraid. Tired of moving forward only to have the rug pulled out from under me. Tired of gaining a sense of calm and control and power, only to have it threatened.
I was so angry, the only thing I could hear was blood rushing to my ears.
“I want to fight. I want to scream and throw things,” I said.
“I know.”
I needed to get my power back. Nothing tonight had played out how I thought it would, and I was bone-chilling mad. And my heart felt on the brink of exploding.
I grabbed Cal’s shirt in my fist and yanked him down for a kiss, only I bit his lips more than kissed them. He groaned, but pulled back.
“I don’t think this is a good idea right now,” he said. Which only made my fury rise.
“Do you not want me?”
“It has nothing to do with that.”
I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. “You’re not my corner to hide in, remember?”
His jaw clenched, clearly not liking me throwing his words back at him.
“I’m not looking to hide.” I gripped his shirt tighter and pushed so he walked backwards to my bedroom. When we near the bed, I unfastened his belt and tugged his shirt off. “This is what I’m looking for,” I said, and kissed his bare chest. He was warm and hard, and I had way too many vicious feelings to be soft.
Running my hands along his chiseled torso, I licked and bit his pec, then sucked his nipple hard. His fingers dove into my hair and he groaned low.
“Whatever you want,” he groaned.
I couldn’t get enough. With every swipe of my tongue, the fire of anger eased and the fire of lust rose. I needed Cal, and all his strength and understanding. Needed him to let me have him. To have me. Needed out of what had just happened and to escape.
I bit down his abs, taking each muscle into my mouth to suck briefly, and I traveled lower to his sexy hips.
“I want you so much,” I said, hitting my knees and licking the V of his lower torso. I grabbed his jeans and yanked down, his cock springing free. I instantly sucked the massive head into my mouth.
“Fuck, Lana!” he cried to the ceiling. I loved hearing my name on his mouth, feeling all this strength within my grip. My control. It was drugging and I didn’t know or care who I was turning into. I just knew that I needed Cal and wouldn’t be sated until every ounce of aggression was worked out.
I sucked him deeper, tonguing along his impressive length as I went, looking up and watching his hard abs flex and that tattoo move as he tensed with pleasure. It was pleasure I was giving him. I needed an outlet, and he was it.
Taking his cock as deep as I could, I grabbed his ass in one hand, pulling him closer, while scouring my other down his stomach. He hissed. Little red welts were left where my fingernails made their path from his sternum to his hip.
He didn’t try to thrust or take over. He just held on to my head, fingers wrapped in my hair and let me do what I wanted. Use him how I needed, and I did just that. And something deep in my chest warmed a degree. Cal was standing there, taking every single ounce of pain and frustration I had. Helping me. Taking the burden. Asking nothing in return.
No control. No dominance. Just let me feel how I felt.
I bobbed my head, taking him faster and deeper, pulling him as close as I could. I was ravenous, loving on his cock like it was the best thing in the world, because it was. I wanted to be everything he wanted. Wanted to control his pleasure.
I pulled away enough for him to pop from my mouth and I trailed my tongue down the outside of his shaft, not stopping until I hit the very base. I sucked and licked his balls, and that got his fingers in my hair to tighten.
“I’m so close,” he said.
“Good. I want you come for me.” I took his cock back into my mouth and sucked hard. He groaned and his release instantly hit the back of my throat.
His big body shuddered, all those muscles flexing, and I loved watching him come apart. Because of me. Because I pleasured him. Because I let him.