“Morning, Kitten,” he said, kissing my cheek and handing me a warm cup of coffee. “Thought breakfast would be necessary.”
“I thought you left.”
“Missed me bad, huh?”
I rolled my eyes and followed him into the kitchen. He was so comfortable in my home, and I couldn’t help but like it. Like he wanted to be here. To be with me. Like he fit.
“Okay, so I’ve got everything from maple bars, to sprinkles, to old fashioned,” he said, motioning to the bag of heavenly smelling doughnuts.
“I’ll take a sprinkled one please.”
He handed it to me, and I took it and my coffee and sat on the couch. He followed me. Bringing the entire bag with him.
“Thanks for this,” I said, taking a bite of breakfast.
“Anytime.”
It was funny how easy this was. Cal didn’t seem like a big cooker, but he was thoughtful. He went out and got us something to eat. Didn’t completely ditch out. Not that I could have blamed him. Last night, I acted like a possessed person.
“Um, about last night…” I sat up and he faced me. “I’m sorry if I was weird or over the top.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for anything about what went down last night. Are you feeling better today?”
“Yeah. It’s bizarre thinking back on it. I know I was angry and frustrated, but I felt alive and almost crazed with adrenaline. Even though all this negative stuff spurred these feelings, I needed to physically do something to feel better. I’ve had panic attacks before, but this was nothing like that. I just needed to take control somehow. Does that make any sense?”
“Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.”
How was this man with blue eyes, stubble, and casual charm still mysterious? I’d gotten a few hints over the months about him, but I wanted to know more. He knew exactly what to do last night, and exactly how to handle whatever it was I’d gone through.
“So, you’ve had these same kind of instances?” I asked, hoping for some more insight into the man I was growing closer to every day.
“I have. Adrenaline can be an addictive thing. It is also surprising. Sometimes just a spark is enough, other times it rages out of control. But chasing it can be half the fun. It can also sneak up on you.”
Yeah, last night was nothing I’d gone chasing after. I was hit with so many different things at once and just snapped.
“You’re a chaser aren’t you?” I asked, my mind flashing to last week in the woods when he’d done just that and caught me.
“I am,” he said with a low tone, as if thinking the same thing.
“Why?”
“Because the high can be amazing,” he said honestly, and his gaze seared straight to my soul. I hoped he was talking about me.
“So, like fires. You chase after fires,” I clarified.
“Fire is one thing, yes. It’s dangerous. I have a sense of control based on training. While I’m in there, I know what to do, what’s in my power, and I execute my job. But there’s always a piece of it that is not up to me. I can contain the fire, not control it. No matter how hard I try.”
I swallowed down a big bite and looked at him with wide eyes. He could contain, not control. Made a lot of sense.
He reached forward and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.
“The past happened. We can’t hide from it or fix it. We can find things to help us cope. Help us move.”
“Not move on?” I asked, referring to what he had said to me on Halloween. It was the one thing that stuck out with me when it came to Cal. He never once had forced me in a single direction. Didn’t tell me to move on from Brock, my past, my family, or even Jack. Simply to just move.
“Moving on isn’t something I believe in.”
“You really don’t think it’s possible?”