“Shit,” he whispered. “Bea was grilling ya, huh?”
“It’s not that. She was great. But she did ask about us, and I said you were a great friend.”
“Ouch.”
“What? That’s what we are, right?”
“Oh, totally,” he said with sarcasm. “Yeah, when you’re clawing at my hair and coming hard around my cock that’s the first thing I think of: What a great friend you are.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Is there something more you want?”
I opened my mouth, then shut it, because I didn’t know. What we had felt like it was more. But there was no title, which was part of the reason I’d been able to deal with it. Because if I really moved toward Cal and away from Jack and solidified things, it would change everything.
Wasn’t everything already changing, though?
I ran a finger along my temple, warding off the oncoming headache. Changing or not, some facts were inescapable.
“Jack is coming back here someday,” I said quietly.
“I see. You want to be available for him.”
“No. That’s not it. I’m just trying to be realistic. You two are close. Your Aunt is close with him. If we are together or whatever, and he’s back, how is that going to be? How will that work?”
Cal’s jaw was set, his eyes staring out the front window.
“We’ll deal with that when it happens,” he said.
“That’s a big issue to tackle.”
“There’s only something to tackle if you want more with me.” He glanced my way. “Do you?”
The ridges and smooth line of his handsome face were impossible not to get caught up in. But he sat, waiting. He was so still when everything was scrambled and messy, but the only truth I could find was, “It feels like we already have more.”
That got him to really look at me for a moment. “Yeah, it does.”
I wanted to be with Cal. But there was so much that was out of my control, an issue I was already struggling with. The idea of being without him? The idea of not being able to see him, hear his voice, or run into his arms made me feel cold.
Cold.
The one measurement Jack taught me to take my feelings against. Cal made me feel warm, that was something to work with. The second things went cold, that was unworkable.
I closed my eyes for a moment, wondering if Jack would ever totally be out of my head. Certain things he’d said and taught me, forced me to realize my own strength and limits. And Cal let me claw for my own sense of control and strength.
Despite all the drama that surrounded us—the disaster that surrounded me—one thing I was sure about: I wanted to know Cal more. I wanted to be a part of his world.
“I’d like to stay at your place tonight,” I said.
Cal smiled and took the next right.
~
“Your home is beautiful,” I said, walking around the open floor plan. It was a single level, but large, and sat on a couple of acres. Nice thing about Colorado was that while he was still close to town, he had his own space.
The back windows were large and the sliding glass door led to an open field with not another house in sight. The entire place was cozy meets bachelor pad, and the smell of leather and pine wafted around like the house came with its own signature scent.
A big cream sectional couch was faced toward the TV, and the cushions were so large and fluffy it looked more like an awesome L-shaped bed than a couch.