Holy crap, his cock was already stirring and semi-hard. The man was a machine. I grabbed my loofah. “I meant wash you. Good Lord, are you ever satisfied?” I asked, glancing down at his, yep, definitely growing, erection.
“With you? I’m insatiable.”
He kissed me quickly and continued playing with my hair. The act was so comfortable. Just tra la la, taking a shower, no big deal, totally naked with the man I—
Loved.
I glanced at his face and started slow circles over his chest with the bubbly loofah. I loved Cal. Somehow when I wasn’t supposed to. Somehow throughout the pain and broken ache in my chest, the last half of my soul left reached out for him, and loved him. I may have thought there were similarities between him and Jack, I knew there were just as many, if not more, differences.
Yet one thing stood out:
“You said I was yours,” I whispered, concentrating on my task of washing him. His hands on me stilled.
“Yes.”
“What does that mean…how does that work?” I’d been down this road with Jack. Everything was left up to his control, for the most part. I was along for the ride and took what I could, and grew and learned, but in the end, I was on his time.
Now, Cal was staking a claim, the same one Jack had once made. It forced the leftover bits of my heart to hurt a little.
“Honestly, I don’t know how all of this is going to work,” he said. Gently taking the loofah from me, he started gently washing my chest, breasts, and down to my stomach. “There will be realities we can’t avoid.”
“Like Jack,” I said.
“Yes, like Jack.” Cal didn’t sound confident in that, but he also didn’t sound deterred. He sounded almost prepared. Like, whenever Jack showed up, he’d be ready.
“What I feel and what is actually possible are pulling at each other.”
“What do you feel?”
We’d alluded to this earlier, but time to come out and say it.
“I love you,” I said, and met his stare. “To be honest, that was easier than trusting you. But I do. I know better, I’ve been hurt and I won’t lie to you…but I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. Jack changed something in me. Took a piece of me with him.” I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself before the sting behind my eyes hurt too badly. “But I trust you, so much. And somewhere in that, I fell in love with you too.”
Cal’s brows sliced down and he looked at me like he was both shocked and angry? Did I upset him by talking about Jack?
“I just wanted to be honest with you,” I started quickly, defending my words, but he cut me off.
“I always want you to be honest with me. I know your feelings about Jack and the struggle.” He dropped the loofah and cupped my face. “I’m just glad you have some room left for me.”
I blinked several times. How could be so understanding? It hit me then that Cal knew what to expect and was the calm before the storm. A storm Jack would bring with him. A storm we’d have to face at some point. A storm I’d have to weather.
“Hey, hey, don’t look so sad,” he said. “Listen to me carefully. This moment, right now, is what I’m going to hold on to. Whatever happens, however we deal with it, right now is what I’m betting on. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
He kissed me, and both of us went under the spray just as tears fell from my eyes. I squeezed them shut and wrapped my arms around Cal. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He fastened me to his cock like I was meant to be there, like he was meant to be inside of me.
I moaned and just kissed him, staying still and reveling in the feeling of him simply inside me. A part of me. A few quick turns of the knobs and the shower was off, and Cal was walking us back to bed. He sat down with me in his lap and our wet skin sliding against each other’s. I just kissed him and kissed him, afraid to let him go. Afraid he’d take back his words, his claim. Afraid of the future and what it held.
Afraid that I wouldn’t know what to do when it came.
Chapter 19
I choked out a sob and shot up in bed. Breathing hard and trying to clear the fog from my sleepy eyes, I looked around my bedroom. Dark. But I wasn’t alone. Cal was next to me, sitting up, his blue eyes fused to mine. I reached for him. “I’m sorry, I must have been having a nightmare.”
“Don’t be sorry. Are you okay? You were mumbling in your sleep,” he said in a low voice.
&nb