I nodded.
She glanced at me long enough to take in my crappy mood and ask, “You want to talk about it?”
Something like pity and guilt marred her pretty features.
“You know, don’t you?” I asked.
She nodded. “I heard the funding came in and Silas got the job.”
“I assume you heard that from Bill?” My tone was sharper than it should have been, but it was hard to let it go.
“He’s right though, Amy,” Paige said softly.
My gaze snapped to her, and my lungs imploded on themselves.
“He didn’t even give me a chance to apply, Paige. I never assumed I’d be handed the job, but I thought I’d at least have a chance to prove myself.”
“You threw that away when you started dating Roman.”
My mouth dropped. “How can you say that?”
“I’m not saying it to be mean,” she said. “It’s just a fact. It wouldn’t look good to have the governor’s girlfriend head up a major project with state money behind it.”
“You sound like Bill.” Never before had I been so shocked or upset with Paige.
“Good! That means I’m doing my job,” she snapped back. “Sometimes it’s not about the best person for the job—it’s about the lesser of two evils. A lot of people work hard to keep Roman in office. You know why? Because Roman is a good governor. But if he were to lose because it looked like he was doing special favors for his girlfriend, just handing her state money and a job—”
“That’s not what he did. I work hard at New Beginnings. He put the funding on the bill, but the job itself is based on merit.”
“But that’s not how it would look,” she said again. “This could really hurt him. The competition would spin it in a way that would drop his approval rating quickly. All the gains he’s made in the polls over the past few weeks would be gone.”
I let out a long breath. Hating this. Hating that I was fighting with my best friend. Hating that despite my best efforts, I’d still created a situation that had potential to affect Roman’s job.
“I understand that,” I said. There was only one thing I could do. “I’m letting it go. I don’t want Roman to suffer because of me or how something may look. What’s important is that the center is going to be built, and people will be helped.”
Paige’s eyes softened. “I know this is hard. I know you wanted it.”
I nodded. “It’s just a job.”
“What will you do?” Paige asked.
I shrugged. “I guess I’ll need to find a new one.”
“Just like that? Just walk away?”
My other option was what? Fight? Tell Roman? No. There was nothing to fight anymore. The center would be built, and people with addictions and their families would have a place to go. The name of the place didn’t matter—the facility did. I had been letting go of many things lately and in the process, finding out what was really important.
It was time I let go of this too. Putting Lauren’s name on the building wouldn’t bring her back, and it wouldn’t make my parents love me. The center would help others, and that was enough. The rest I could figure out. I would try to find a different job, one that would enable me to stay in New York, because Roman was my choice, and I’d bet on him every time. That truth, bright and blaring in my face, made everything else seem manageable.
“I love him, Paige,” I said. “He’s honest and strong, and New York is better with him. I’m better with him.”
“Does he feel the same way about you?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. But I’ll find out tomorrow.”
I walked into my room and sat on my bed. I had lost the job and the chance to head up the project I’d been working on for more than a year, but somehow, it all seemed secondary.
I had Roman, at least for now, and that was enough. It would have to be.