“Plans.” I didn’t have plans except to spend it with Andrew. When I wasn’t working an event, I always made sure to spend my free days with Andrew. So I was lying again. I really was a terrible person.
He dropped his head and then started to pull away.
I cradled his cheeks in my palms. “Can I call you when I’ve time?”
“Will you have time?”
I sighed. “My life is different than it was five years ago. I have more responsibilities and obligations.”
“And what about you? Surely you can make time for you.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to be another one of your obligations.”
“It’s not like that. My life is so…complicated.” I could feel tears coming. Despite my wanting to be with him, the gargantuan issues were a chasm I couldn’t cross.
He let out a breath and stepped away, tossing the condom and pulling up his pants. “I’m willing to do what it takes to spend time with you, but I don’t know what that is. You’re hiding something from me or won’t let me in, and I don’t know how to overcome that.”
I slid from the desk. “I have lunch breaks.”
I was desperate to have him even though it was cruel. I could see in his eyes the pain I was causing. I hated myself for that. It was time to just come clean. I needed to tell him about Andrew and then let the chips fall where they may.
“I have been keeping—” The phone on my desk buzzed. I closed my eyes, hating the interruption. “Just a minute.” I reached over and picked up the phone. “Serena Moore.”
“Rena, is Mr. Roarke still with you?” Nikita asked.
I looked over at him. “Yes.”
“Really? Is he hiring you for an engagement party?”
“Ah…no.” I wasn’t quick enough to come up with some other excuse.
“What are you talking about then?”
“He’s just getting ready to leave,” I said hoping to avoid coming up with yet another lie.
He stared at me with a mixture of annoyance although I wasn’t sure if it was at me or himself for letting me hook and release him again.
“Have him wait. I want to go over some of the St. Patrick's plans with him.”
I covered the mouthpiece. “Nikita wants to talk to you about the St. Patrick's event.”
He nodded, even though I could see he’d rather get the hell out.
“Okay.” I hung up and straightened my clothes. “Nikita is on her way here.” I walked to him. “Maybe next time we can do this in your office.”
He quirked a brow. “I thought you didn’t want people to know.”
I shrugged. “We could say it has to do with party plans.”
His shoulders relaxed slightly. “I wish I could figure you out.”
“I don’t know. I think you know me pretty well.” I waggled my brows.
His lips twitched upward. “I know your body and what turns you on. But I wish I knew what was go
ing on up here.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Fortunately, I’m a patient man.”
I hugged him so he couldn’t see my face. The truth was, patience didn’t matter. This couldn’t last and my drawing it out was bad for both of us. I had no doubt that this was going to end spectacularly badly. But even knowing that, I couldn’t do the right thing. If I was a braver person, I’d tell him the truth. If I was a stronger person, I’d walk away.
Instead, I gave him a quick kiss and then unlocked my door. I gave the room a quick once over, as well as our clothes to make sure Nikita wouldn’t be able to detect what we’d done on my desk.