“If you kept your child from me because you didn’t think I’d approve, that would mean you were interested in me, but hiding him. But you’ve been pretty clear that you don’t want me.”
She huffed out a breath. “That’s not true. I told you my life was complicated.” She nodded toward Andrew. “What I want takes a backseat to what is best for him.”
“And I’m bad for him?” How was it she could always make me feel like pond scum?
“No. I just…you have your own family responsibilities and duties.”
I laughed derisively. “Which I was ready to shirk for you.”
She bit her lip. “Don’t. You can’t change yourself for me.”
“That’s just it, Serena. I was still trying to conform to what my family expected, and I came here to tell you that I was giving that up. I don’t know what our future would hold, but I was willing to see where it went. I wanted to see where it went.”
“Past tense,” she said, looking toward the playground, where her son was running with his arms out and making machine sounds.
“What?”
“You’re speaking in past tense. You said, ‘I was willing…’ which suggests you’re not still willing.”
“You’re fucking with my brain.”
“Can you not use the f-word when Andrew is around?”
“Right. Sorry.” I took a breath to try and sort out my thoughts. “Am willing. I am willing. I’m more than willing. I want to see you. To see where this thing between us goes.”
“What about Andrew?”
“I want to meet him.” And I meant it. The kid was a part of her, and I was drawn to her. Being with her meant being with him too.
She studied me with hard eyes. I felt like she was using some special mom-radar to determine if I was sincere and worthy of knowing her son.
For a moment, I thought she was going to send me packing. But then she looked to her son who was making his way to us again.
“All right,” she said, although there wasn’t much oomph behind the word. It was almost as if she was reluctant.
I leaned closer to her so her son wouldn’t hear. “I wish you’d tell me what it is you want, because I can’t read your mind.”
“I said all right.”
“But you don’t mean it. How many times have we been in this spot where I’m telling you I want you, and you say you want me, but half the time I don’t believe it. I’m not sure you believe it.”
She worried her lip with her teeth. “I’m sorry. I want you, but you and I aren’t the only things I need to consider.”
“I don’t want to hurt you or your kid.”
“I know. I don’t want to hurt you either.”
What I heard in her voice was an inevitability that someone was going to get hurt.
“Mr. Roarke, do you know how to fly?” Andrew came to stand in front of me. He had blue eyes and a sweet face like her, but I suspected he looked more like his father.
“Do you mean airplanes?” I leaned forward to give him my attention.
“Yep.”
“Well, I don’t fly but I have a pilot.”
“Do you have a plane too?”