Tessa deserved more than a casual one-night stand. I heard what she said about not wanting anything more, but I also knew she didn’t really know what sex could do. Yes, it could be left to the physical, but the first time especially, sex was filled with emotion. As I came down from my orgasmic high, I saw in her eyes that she was already planning a second orgasm and as much as I wanted that, I couldn’t let it happen again.
When I exited the bathroom after my mental self-flagellation, I found her sitting on the couch fully dressed. Okay, so maybe she didn’t want to go another round. She looked up at me and I couldn’t quite figure out what she was feeling, but it wasn’t good. It wasn’t that blissful expression I’d seen when she’d savored the sweetness of her orgasm.
I put away the robe that I’d brought for her. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Of course.” She stood. “Thank you.”
Fuck. She was acting like I’d changed a light bulb for her. Then again, maybe I should thank her, because that was the sweetest fuck I’d had in a long time. Maybe ever.
“Can I get you something to eat?” I should at least offer her dinner.
“Ah … no … that’s okay.” She started for the door.
I sighed. “Tessa.”
She stopped at the door and turned. “Yeah?”
“This was why I didn’t want to—”
She held her hand up to stop me. “Don’t. Please, don’t. This is humiliating enough for me as it is.”
Christ. Guilt cut me two. I searched my brain for what to say to ease her humiliation. “I’m sorry …”
“Don’t apologize either, Dylan.”
Jesus, her anguished tone was killing me.
“It was my first time, so I know I wasn’t good—”
“What? No, Tessa. Is that why you’re feeling humiliated?”
She bit her lip and I could see those tears coming again, as they had the first time that I tried to stop this train wreck from happening.
“I got what I wanted, we can just go on and pretend it didn’t happen,” she said.
“No. No, we can’t. Not if you think I didn’t like it. You fucking nearly blew my dick off.”
She jerked.
I moved to her but not close enough to touch her. I wanted her to know that I enjoyed it, but I didn’t want to give her the idea that it would happen again.
“Look … I think we can both agree that we shouldn’t do it again, but I’m not going to regret it.”
“You didn’t want it to happen.”
I seesawed my head. “I did and I didn’t. My body has wanted you for a long time. But up here,” I said pointing to my brain. “I knew it was a bad idea. Not because there’s anything wrong with you, but because sex complicates things. Because you’re a smart woman going out into the world, and I’m a single dad who can’t give you what you deserve.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
I didn’t think she did, but it was clear there was nothing I could say to make this awkwardness go away.
She opened the door, and as usual, I went to it to watch her as she made her way home. I longed to call her back and get her naked, only this time, in my bed where I could really show her how good it could be between a man and a woman. We’d done it once, my dick reasoned. Why not give it the whole weekend and then call it off? You’re a fucking asshole, I told my dick.
She didn’t look at me as she usually did before going into the house. Just as well, I sighed as I shut the door.
The house was quiet, immediately reminding me that Maisie wasn’t home. I was alone for the first time in a long time. See, she could have stayed, my dick said. Shut up!
I hid in my house, taking care of some repairs and upkeep that I hadn’t gotten to yet. I was eating a sandwich for dinner in the kitchen when I got a call from Veronica.