So Wrong (Heart of Hope 3)

“If Veronica succeeds, that will probably happen, but I don’t care about Veronica. I care about you and Maisie.”

He got out of bed, and slipped on a pair of sweats. “I’m not in this for your caring, Tessa. You’re here to make the judge happy that Maisie has a stable home. I’ve raised Maisie alone for nearly three years. I think I can manage it further without your insights and interference.”

I took a moment to stay calm, even as tears of pain and anger threatened. But I wasn’t able to completely hide my feelings. “I’d leave as you clearly don’t want me here, but then it might impact your father of the year award.”

“I am a good father!”

I felt bad for being so snarky because the truth was, he was a good father. He was just a shitty fake husband.

“You are a good father, Dylan.” Not knowing what else to say, I turned over to go to sleep, even though I knew I wouldn’t.

20

Dylan

I sat on the couch staring at the TV, but not watching whatever was showing on it. I couldn’t sort out my feelings. Yes, I hurt Tessa again by being an asshole. It was stupid, because she’d completely upended her life, and apparently was willing to put her education on hold to help me and Maisie. I needed to apologize. Grovel, even.

But another part of me stood firm in my belief that I was the sole decision maker and that my choices were right. Why should I take the higher ground in this custody case when I had no doubt that Veronica, with the help of Leo’s money, would fight dirty too? I was a good person, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have skeletons. What if she told the court how I’d been abused as a child? How my mother wasn’t able to control me very well when I was a teenager, and I got into a few scraps? These are things I’d told Veronica when she and I had been together. Now she could use them against me. Statistically, abusers were once abused, and therefore, as someone who was abused, I’d be considered a risk to do the same to Maisie. If Maisie fell off the swing, would Veronica accuse me of hurting her? I couldn’t sit back and hope that fairness would prevail. I had to fight for Maisie and my rights.

I believed Tessa cared for us. I was certain she loved Maisie, and there were times I thought she loved me. A part of me wanted to know for sure, and if so, grab onto it, because fucking hell, I needed something solid to hold on to.

But the

other part of me knew that Tessa having feelings for me was a bad idea. Clearly, we had problems, and this wasn’t even a real marriage. How long would she put up with how I kept on hurting her? She’d said she was willing to leave, except that it would hurt the case. At least she was committed to this until the end. My lawyer said custody cases took months, sometimes even a year or more. Would Tessa stick it out that long?

When I made the deal with Tessa, I figured she’d go to school, and our lives wouldn’t be all that much different except that she’d live with us. But now she was planning not to go school. While we’d taken a break from sex, she’d just given me an incredible ride, and oh how I needed that. Sex with Tessa was somehow more than just the physical pop of an orgasm. It was like she lit up every neuron in my body. When we moved, it was like we were one. It was spectacular even as it was unsettling, because I knew it meant my emotions were involved.

Maybe it was time to go back to the original plan. No touching. Nothing but friendship. I couldn’t afford to fall in love with her, and it was clear that it was a distinct possibility that I could.

The next day, Tessa went through all the motions of getting Maisie up and fixing breakfast, but clearly she wasn’t engaged with me. She wasn’t as warm and open, at least not to me. With Maisie, she was like sunshine and rainbows all mixed together, which was what I wanted. I reminded myself that Tessa needed to focus on Maisie and stay out of my business. Sure, it would be nice to have another person to rely on for support and feedback, but I’d learned a long time ago that the only person I could trust to keep me safe and happy was me.

So, I was glad that she got the message and stayed in her lane, not giving her two cents about the case or what I should do. That’s what I told myself as the days dragged by and Tessa was her perfect wonderful self to Maisie, and coolly friendly to me. I had to remind myself this was what I wanted when I’d come in from my morning routine and see her sleeping, one long lovely leg sticking out from the covers. I was now having to jerk off again in the shower, usually thinking of that leg wrapped around my hips while I fucked her.

I had to tell myself I was better off with Tessa not taking time to talk to me after Maisie went to bed like she used to, because when she did, I was always entranced by her intellect and humor. But God, how I missed our conversations.

When my lawyer said that it was possible to speed up the case, and that perhaps we’d have a decision mid-fall, I was both relieved and disappointed. That made no sense until I realized that my disappointment had to do with ending my arrangement with Tessa.

“Fuck!” I hit the steering wheel of the car as I drove home from work. All day as I dealt with a vendor, a treadmill mechanic, and an instructor who let her teaching certification lapse––forcing me to find a replacement for her classes––thoughts of Tessa distracted me. It was probably guilt, but somewhere deep down I worried it was more than that. I missed Tessa’s warmth and humor towards me. I hated that she didn’t feel she could talk to me, not just about Maisie’s custody but anything. I wanted us to be like we had been. Preferably, the time we were friends with benefits, but if not that, then friends. For a moment, I wondered what Tessa would say if I told her I didn’t like how things were between us. How I missed her.

I shook my head, knowing she was done with me. I hurt her one too many times. I’d told her I didn’t deserve her. She hadn’t believed it, but now she knew I was right. What I needed to do was cut her loose as soon as I could so she could find happiness and pursue her own goals. Maybe she’d even find a good man who would treat her better.

First, I had to get through this custody case. That made me think of the week Maisie was going to spend with Veronica. How would Tessa and I be able to live under the same roof with all this distance between us? Thankfully, that visit wasn’t scheduled for a few weeks, as apparently Leo would be out of town and they decided to wait until he’d be there.

I arrived home and prepared myself emotionally to enter a home that on the surface looked happy and normal, but underneath was mostly a sham.

“Daddy!” At least Maisie was glad to see me.

I scooped her up. “How was your day?”

“Good. Tessa and I went to a place where I made a dragon.”

Tessa appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking guarded as usual. “Maisie, why don’t you go get your dragon to show your dad?”

Maisie wriggled in my arms to get down. “I want to show you.”

I set her down and watched as she shot off toward her room.

When she was gone, Tessa said, “She asked if she was moving to Veronica’s today.”