The truth was, I wanted the reality of marriage and a family, not the sham. I wanted her to look at me as she had in the beginning; like I was her fucking hero. I wanted her to find her feminine sexual self using my body. I wanted to pay for her school, and whatever dream she had.
But I was a coward. I’d given everything I had to Veronica and she tossed it aside like an old tattered coat. Yes, we were young when we met as college sophomores, but lack of life experience didn’t mean the emotions we felt were any less intense. I’d loved her, and together we’d plotted out a life where I’d start a gym business and she’d work with me.
When Maisie was born, it had been her idea to stay home, which in hindsight, I should have known wouldn’t have worked. She was a social woman, liking attention and activity. By the time Maisie was a year old, it was clear she was unhappy, so when she said she wanted to spend time with f
riends in New York City, I didn’t balk. I wanted her to be happy.
Her trips became more regular, and I suspected that she wasn’t faithful, but I’d finally built a family my mother hadn’t been able to, and I wasn’t going to let it go. When she said she’d been hired to model, I thought that would at least stop the weekend parties and affairs, but when it turned out she was good at it, she spent increasing amounts of time away, and resented me and Maisie more and more when she’d come home. So when she called on a night she was supposed to be home to say she wasn’t coming home, ever, I didn’t beg her to return. When she asked that I take over full care of Maisie, I happily, and with relief, agreed.
I learned a lot from Veronica. The most important lesson was that I couldn’t put my faith in love. My mother chose her men over me. Veronica chose her dream over me. Now, all my love went to Maisie. I wouldn’t let her be hurt by life if I could help it.
I knew Tessa, despite her resentment of me, loved Maisie and would do anything for her too. I’d trusted her with Maisie’s care, and she’d never given me cause to question her commitment to my daughter. Even as I railed against her, telling her Maisie was mine and she had no rights, she’d stuck with me in this crazy scheme. She was a woman who gave of herself and stuck by her word. She was loving, honest, smart, sweet, and faithful. I didn’t deserve her, but I wanted her. I wanted her so badly my chest hurt.
What would happen if I said all this to her? If I told her I was willing to risk my heart for her? I don’t think she’d mean to hurt me, but it wouldn’t be a surprise if she told me to take a flying leap. For that reason alone, I shouldn’t say anything. It was too late to change things with her.
And yet, these feelings nagged at me. She might tell me to fuck off, but then again, she was a forgiving and loving person. Maybe she’d give me a chance.
I poured myself a drink and took out the covered dish of fettuccine Tessa had left for me for dinner. See, she couldn’t completely hate me if she made sure I had dinner.
As my dinner heated, I psyched myself up about my feelings for her. I’d spend the weekend figuring out how to tell her how I really felt and see if I couldn’t persuade her to give this thing, or the thing we had a few weeks ago, a chance. The idea scared the shit out of me and at the same time, a sense of serenity came over me. Like this was the right choice.
I put my plate in the dishwasher and headed to the living room, thinking I’d make plans for the shelves Tessa thought I should have in the living area to help store Maisie’s growing stash of toys. I passed the phone sitting on a little side table and noticed the message light beeping.
I hadn’t had a landline phone until Tessa suggested it. She indicated that it was a safety issue if I didn’t have cell phone power in an emergency. She also said Maisie was old enough to call for help if needed, but she’d need to know where a phone was, which could be a problem if it was hidden in my coat. I remembered saying if I had the phone I could call, but she argued that the emergency could be with me. So I got a landline and until this moment, hadn’t ever noticed messages. I never even gave out the number.
Even so, I poked the message button.
“Hello, Mrs. Hyatt, this is Dr Layman’s office. She asked that I call to reschedule your sonogram to the week after next instead of this coming week.” She gave a date and time.
I stilled. Sonogram? Was Tessa sick?
“She said not to worry, a week later will be fine. Just keep taking the prenatal vitamins and take care of yourself. If you have questions or concerns, you can call us.”
I staggered back for a moment. Then deciding I hadn’t heard right; I replayed the message. Reschedule sonogram. Take prenatal vitamins. Jesus … Tessa was pregnant.
I swallowed as the news filtered through, turning from shock to anger. She was pregnant and hadn’t told me. What the fuck?
I began to pace, feeling like my world was whirling away. I’d just spent an hour in my head telling myself I could love her. That I could trust her. I could build something with her. As it turned out, I was wrong. Like I was always wrong.
From there my mind spiraled downward. Had she lied about the pill? Was it her goal to get pregnant? Was she planning to keep this pregnancy a secret and take my child, as Veronica was trying to do?
I grabbed the phone and dialed her number. She picked up on the third ring.
“You’re calling from the landline. Is everything all right?” she said.
“You tell me,” I growled into the phone.
There was a pause. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a message here from Dr. Layman’s office.”
Her breath hitched. I knew that sound. It was the sound someone made when they realized they’d been busted.
“Were you going to tell me you were pregnant?”
“Yes. Dylan … I can explain …”
“Really? There is a good explanation for why you’d keep this from me? Or were you going to take my child from me?”