“My age doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s a man terrified he’s going to lose his daughter. Surely you can understand that.”
My mother handed a basket of garlic bread to me. “Of course. I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to—”
“He doesn’t hurt me.” I’m done. His words came back to me. If I wasn’t able to get through to him, I could be the one in court against him. As it was, he had a court date coming up, and I didn’t know if I should be there. “I’d rather just eat now, if that’s okay.”
“If you need me to put some sense into him, I will,” my father said.
“He doesn’t need sense,” I said. He needed to believe in love and open himself to it.
Fortunately, my parents respected my wishes. Instead of me divulging all the mistakes I’d made or that they were going to be grandparents, I listened as they told me the latest gossip in the neighborhood.
“Mr. Spinelli is thinking of selling the bagel shop,” my mother said.
“He must be nearly a hundred,” I said, remembering getting a bagel every Saturday morning with my parents.
“Ninety-six,” my mother said.
“It will be a sad day when there are no more Spinelli bagels.” My father shook his head. “We should all go tomorrow.”
I smiled, and my mother brightened. “Yes. Let’s. It will be like old times.”
I loved my parents and being home, and yet it made me sad too. Sad that I wouldn’t have what they did. I was all for women’s rights, equal pay, and feminism, but I’d have been completely content to be Dylan’s wife and a mother, as well as a teacher, just like my mother.
I’d been fighting with myself for weeks now. My heart wanted what my head knew I could never have, and yet my heart still yearned. It was time to toughen up, and let go of the dream of a family, at least with Dylan.
I didn’t know what was going to happen with our fake marriage. Maybe tomorrow, I’d have the guts to call Dylan to ask him if “I’m done” meant I shouldn’t come at all. But for now, I was going to let all that go and feel the warmth and love that my parents surrounded me with.
24
Dylan
That evening, feeling completely untethered, I called Veronica and asked if I could speak to Maisie. Normally I waited for them to call, but I needed to hear her voice. To listen to someone truly pure and that loved me unconditionally.
“Hi Daddy,” her little voice came over the phone. She was such a wonderful child. I wondered how she’d feel about a little brother or sister.
“Hi lazy Maisie. You having fun?”
“Yep. Mommy took me out for pizza.”
“Where’s Leo?”
“He had to work. Mommy took me to a candy store too. Did you know there’s like a million candies?”
I closed my eyes, hoping Veronica was putting something healthy into her. “That’s a lot of candies. Did you eat them all?”
“No, Daddy.” Maisie laughed, the sound of it lifting my spirits a little.
She and I chatted a bit, and then I was back to the cold empty house and the mess of my life. What the hell was I going to do about Tessa? How was it possible that I’d been completely duped again? And now she was pregnant. Jesus, I was going to bring another child in the world that wouldn’t have a stable home life. How was it that I was perpetually creating what I was trying to avoid—a dysfunctional family? Perhaps it was time to consider a vasectomy. And possibly monkhood.
Instead of working on the house over the weekend, I visited each of the gyms and found work to do there to avoid home and my messed-up life. At home, I was miserable without Maisie and yes, even Tessa, but then I’d remind myself of her deception. I wondered if she was planning to come home Sunday and what I’d do if she did.
I meant it when I said I was done, and yet I couldn’t be done. There was a baby to think about. I could move Tessa’s former housemates, Allison and Corrine, into another of my real estate properties and then let Tessa have the house next door. I don’t know how I’d be able to see her and not feel the pain of her betrayal, and yet, it was ideal for the baby to have us both nearby. And Maisie too, who I wanted to know her little brother or sister.
On Sunday afternoon, I received a text from Tessa saying she planned to stay longer with her parents. It was a relief and yet, unsettling too. I didn’t want to deal with our situation, and yet putting it off only made it hang over me.
I messaged back, “Fine.” It would give me time to think more on how to deal with things.