So Wrong (Heart of Hope 3)

“I’ve got to get home.” I shot up from my chair.

“Give your daughter a hug. And fix things with your wife,” my lawyer said.

When I arrived home, I swung Maisie around and held her so tight. I had the same feeling I’d had when she was born. Like I was given a chance to be a better man. To make a difference in my child’s life.

“Daddy, you're crazy.”

I remembered that she hadn’t known her mom and I were in court, so to her, it was just another day.

“I’m just so happy to see you.”

She looked at me but I didn’t see the happiness I’d have liked.

“What’s wrong honey?”

“Tessa came home and then left again. Why won’t she stay with us, Daddy? I miss her.”

“What did she say?” I asked.

“She has to be with her family.”

“Well then, that’s what she has to do,” I said.

“But we’re her family, daddy. Make her come home.”

I closed my eyes as guilt rose. I needed to tell her the truth: that Tessa and I were done. But today, I just wanted to celebrate finally getting what I’d wanted; Maisie would stay with me. That’s all that mattered. If only my heart would agree.

27

Tessa

I lay down to rest, and when I woke, I saw a text from Dylan’s lawyer saying that Dylan had custody for now. We won. I wanted to be happy about that, but it was hard with the weight of everything else hanging over me. I did manage to text Dylan that I’d heard what had happened, and congratulated him. I reminded him of the sonogram appointment, but didn’t say anything about the paperwork his lawyer gave me or that I anticipated he’d divorce me.

The following week, I drove to my appointment thinking about how to proceed with my life. My parents said I could stay with them as long as I needed, and my mother even recommended a doctor in Brooklyn. Finishing graduate school was out until after the baby was born, but I could find work and a place to live near Dylan so that we could share the responsibility of the baby.

I was in the waiting room filling out the paperwork when Dylan entered. My heart swelled and then broke at the sight of him. I wanted so badly to hug him and tell him I loved him, but I knew I couldn’t.

His expression was impassive, which I decided was better than angry.

“Thank you for coming,” I said when he sat next to me.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“No, of course not.” I wanted to ask how he was. How Maisie was. But all the words were lost in my throat.

We were called in to the examination room for the sonogram, which broke the awkward silence. I lay on the bed as the woman performing the test talked us through the procedure.

She squirted some heated gel on my belly and then used a wand to rub over my belly. I cast a glance to Dylan, whose eyes were on the screen.

I looked at the screen too, but couldn’t discern anything.

“Ah … there it is,” the technician said. She point

ed to a fluttering on the screen. “That’s the heartbeat.”

Emotion welled through me like a tidal wave, and I gasped at the power of it. Tears came to my eyes, and I was transfixed. There was a life inside me.

“I’m going to take some measurements so we can see about getting a better idea of how far along you are.”