Admit You Need Me (Irresistible Billionaires 4)

suicide when I was in high school.” She got up and looked down at me.

“Oh my God, I had no idea. I'm really sorry that you went through that.”

“She wasn't sick. It wasn't an accident, it was my dad. They had been together all my life and suddenly he decided that he had married too young and he didn't want family life anymore. He abandoned us and she didn't take it well.”

“Oh my God, Toby, I'm so sorry.” She ran her fingers through my hair.

“That's why.”

“That's why what?”

“That's why I’ve never had relationships. It's why I pushed you away. If anything, it's a defense mechanism but it obviously didn't work in this case.”

“You were afraid of ending up like your mother? Or your father for that matter?”

“I was afraid of loving someone so deeply that they could ruin me like that. I don't like that kind of vulnerability. I avoided it as much as I could but not because I didn't want it.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to actually live my life being truthful to myself. I want to be honest with myself and with you. I'm missing out on so much more by denying myself what I want, rather than taking the risk and having what I want, no matter how impermanent.”

“Are you sure that you're ready? This is so much and so soon. I don't want you to feel pressured. I'm not going to take it personally if you would rather distance yourself. Perfectly understandable.”

“No. I want this, I want our family and I want you Maggie. I love you and I love the child that we're going to meet in 6 months.”

“I'm not really sure what to say to that.”

“Well, I want you to say yes but I understand if you don't.” Why had I just said that? It was true, but I didn't just want her to say yes, I needed that. I needed her. I wouldn't be half as happy or confident about moving forward if it wasn't for her. I needed the way that she challenged me and made me see things that I didn't want to.

I couldn't wait to see her being a mother. Even if I wasn't in the picture, I knew that our kid would grow up to be the funniest, smartest, most well-adjusted kid out there because she would be there.

“I love you Toby,” she said. I cupped her face so that I could kiss her. She started to pull away but I didn’t let her. She giggled as our lips were pressed together.

“I hope you know that I'm not just saying that because I want the baby to have both their parents around.”

Part of me didn't care why she was saying it. I was getting a chance that on many levels I didn't deserve. She was opening her heart and her life up to me and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure she didn't regret it.

Epilogue

Seven Months Later (Maggie)

“I’m going to need you to push,” the doctor said from between my legs.

“I can’t.”

“Keep going babe, I know you can do it. You’re almost there.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. Toby’s hand was gripping mine, I wanted to listen to him, but more than that I wanted to take a nap. I was so tired.

Brenna had told me that giving birth felt a little bit like taking a really huge shit, but she had lied. It wasn’t the pain since I had had an epidural. It was just how long it took. I had been in labor for two days and I still didn’t have a baby in my arms yet.

“No, I can’t do it,” I said, falling back onto the pillows behind me. I felt somebody touch my face, brushing my hair back. It was Toby. He was being so kind to me. He should have been since this was his fault. I had no plans to get pregnant yet here I was giving birth to his baby. He had been nice during the pregnancy, but I was resentful that I was the only one going through this part alone.

“Just take it slow, Maggie. Just breathe the way they taught us in class.” I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was so tired. All I wanted was to go to sleep and have a baby in my arms when I woke up. We were not doing this again by the way. One baby was just going to have to be enough.

“This will only take as long as you want it to. Give us three good big pushes and he’ll be out,” the doctor said.

Why hadn’t I just had a C-section? I was probably lucky since all of my closest friends had kids and they had had a ton of advice to give me as well as answers for all my questions. Going through my pregnancy, I hadn’t had that many surprises.

I had heard of some of the more extreme changes that could take place, like going up the shoe size, and losing teeth and all kinds the terrible stuff like that. Thankfully it hadn’t gotten that bad. I knew that this obviously wasn’t the end of the line. The next three months were going to be a challenge as well. Toby had been an amazing partner. Trying to be grateful and thinking about the future was too hard while I was trying to have a baby.