Imperfect Love (Heart of Hope 4)

I turned on my bench so I could watch them.

“I think they’re having fun,” I said. I looked at Terra from the corner of my eye as she wiped her mouth with her napkin. There was a time that I couldn’t get enough of that mouth. “How about you? Are you having fun?”

She gave me a wan smile and then turned on the bench to watch the kids too. “Yes.”

Why was I so irked at her response? I was making an effort, dammit. Why couldn’t she?

“Are you sure?” I didn’t like that my tone hinted at my irritation.

She looked at me. “Yes.”

“You’re not acting like you’re having fun. I wanted a special day for us, but I feel like all I’ve done is ruin your routine.”

She looked down and then out at the kids. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Like what? I wondered. My impulse was a snarky retort about what was the worry about the laundry, but it would be an asshole thing to do to minimize the work she did to keep the family and house running. And it would defeat my purpose.

Instead, I turned toward her. “I did a lot of thinking yesterday, Terra.”

She kept her gaze out on the kids, and again, I swallowed the annoyance that she wouldn’t look at me.

“Your wanting a divorce—”

“I don’t want a divorce.”

This time I was the one to look away. “You met with a lawyer.”

“I was feeling desperate…alone…”

“I’m here, Terra. I don’t want out. I want to fix us. Whatever I have to do, I’m going to make sure we’re okay.”

She looked at me, really looked, in a way I hadn’t noticed in a long time. It wasn’t in disappointment, anger, or irritation. For a moment, I thought I saw hope in her pretty green eyes.

“We’ll be okay,” I said again, hoping that was what she needed to hear. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to her mouth, much in the same way I had that first time I kissed her. I tested the waters with a light brushing of my lips over hers before sinking in.

I heard a giggle. “Look Noah, daddy is kissing mommy.”

A part of me was sad that seeing me kiss their mother was such a rarity. I pulled away, and gave Terra’s arm a squeeze before standing.

“You’re next,” I said as I chased after Lanie. “Kisses for all the Burrows.”

Lanie squealed and started running as I chased her around the playground. “You too Noah. You’re next.”

He grinned as he jumped off the swing and started running too. I chanced a glance to Terra, hoping that she would accept this olive branch and work with me to get back what we lost.

10

Terra

My lips hummed as the feel and the taste of his mouth lingered on mine. How long had I been wishing for this man? For a day like today? For a kiss? My heart longed to give in to this. To hope that this was the start of the path back together for Brayden and me. I’d decided our marriage wasn’t a priority now, but if fixing it was a possibility, shouldn’t I grab a hold of it and savor it while I could?

The practical part of me chimed in and said, no. It argued that I needed to maintain some distance between me and Brayden. What would happen if I gave in and then this cancer took me? Would being close again make his grief more acute and therefore harder for him to care for the kids? Losing me would be easier for him if we maintained some of this distance, I decided. As much as I wanted to pursue whatever he was offering, my priority now was in preparing for treatment and my possible demise.

Tears came to my eyes as I watched Brayden scoop up Noah and plant a big kiss on his cheek. Noah laughed and held on to Brayden. There’d been a time I was afraid Noah and Brayden didn’t have a close enough bond, but I could see in this moment that both were completely devoted.

“Can’t get me, daddy,” Lanie called out.

“Oh, I’ll get you,” Brayden hoisted Noah on his shoulders and chased Lanie with Noah holding on and sporting a large smile.