“The kids are fine.” I studied him as I tried to figure out the best way to ask him about Johanna. Did I just go with the presumptive statement; “How long have you been fucking your secretary?” Or should I see if he’ll lie and ask, “Are you fucking your secretary?”
He motioned for me to sit on the couch. My memory flashed to one of the many times he’d had me naked on it. In fact, I think we’d had each other on every surface and in every corner of this room. Now he was having Johanna.
Because I couldn’t bring myself to sit where he might have been screwing her, I remained standing.
“What’s up?” He gave me that expression that was supposed to be blank, but I could see irritation underneath. No doubt because if I hadn’t shown up, he’d be dick deep inside of Johanna by now.
“Are you?” I looked down to his groin to see if he was sporting an erection. He wasn’t, but that was probably because I ruined the moment.
“Am I what?”
I sighed. “Let’s talk straight, like we used to.”
His eyes flashed with annoyance. “Good. I’ve been waiting for you tell me what the hell is going on.”
I jerked back. “Me. I’m not the one with my face in another woman’s tits.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me? You think I’m having an affair.”
I wasn’t sure what I expected, but indignation wasn’t it. “Before today, I wondered. Now I know.”
“You know shit.”
His anger surprised me.
>
“I can’t decide which hurts more; your thinking I’d cheat or that you were seeking a divorce without telling me.”
I felt a tinge of guilt. He was right about the divorce. I should have talked to him instead of looking at my options. In fact, I shouldn’t have even called a lawyer…then again if he was cheating, maybe I should dig that lawyer letter out of the trash.
“I know what I saw. Looks like all those late nights paid off.”
“You know I get carried away in the work.”
“Yes, I do,” I said, glancing at his desk. “Have you had her in all the same places you had me?”
He stared at me like he didn’t know me. “Jesus, Terra. I’ve never touched another woman. I’ve never wanted to.”
“Come on Brayden. I’m not stupid. You’re not touching me. I can’t believe you’re really thinking of me when you jerk off.”
“I’d touch you if you slept in our bed,” he bellowed back. “And I do think of you when I jerk off as the memories of us are all that I seem to be able to have with you anymore.”
I wondered if Johanna and the others working in the office could hear us. Just what the company needed; the staff listening to the boss fighting with his wife about sex, or the lack there of.
“You don’t show any interest in me,” I said. And why should he. I didn’t look like I used to. I wasn’t very interested in me either.
“I gave up trying. I took your resorting to Noah’s bed as a message that you didn’t want me anymore. In fact, I’m thinking you want me to be having an affair so it would make leaving me easier.”
“What?”
“You’d probably be relieved if I was fucking Johanna.” He stalked over the little fridge he kept in the corner of his office and pulled out a bottle of water. He looked like he wished it was something stronger.
“You know, if you want her, you can have her. Chances are I’ll be gone soon enough anyway.”
He stopped short. “So that’s it. I’ve bent over backwards to save this marriage, but you can’t even meet me halfway. You’ve already decided to leave. Is that why you’re here today. If so, just say it. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by accusing me of abandoning this marriage when it’s your doing.”
“I could die,” I blurted out, hating that parts of what he was saying were true. There was a part of me hiding from him by staying with Noah. I hadn’t met him in the middle as he tried to give me and the kids more time. But the reality was, I had to get my affairs in order in case my treatment failed. I couldn’t worry about myself or our marriage. All that mattered was that my kids would be okay. This wasn’t how I wanted to tell him, but it seemed like the right time nonetheless.