I nodded.
“Should we go into your office?”
I started toward my office, but then stopped. What the fuck was I doing? Bug or not, I wasn’t going to waste another minute away from Terra. Estranged or not, I loved her and the thought of losing her was something I couldn’t bear.
“I’ve got to find Terra,” I said, turning back to the elevator.
“This won’t take long.”
“You deal with it. I trust you.” Thankfully the elevator was quick in its arrival. I rode down and rushed out to the parking lot. I didn’t see her or her car. She must think the worst of me. No good husband would have let the love of his life get away after sharing such news.
I ran to my car, and drove like a maniac toward home. It was a miracle I didn’t get in an accident or a ticket. I barely turned off the engine before I was out of the car and running into the house.
“Terra!”
The quiet in the house heightened my panic. She looked fine in my office, but maybe she was really sick. Had she gone to the hospital? Had I lost her already?
My rational mind said to calm down and look for the most likely answer, such as she was picking up the kids. But my heart was racing from fear. I hadn’t told her I loved her since…when? I think I mentioned it the other day, but I wasn’t sure. Fuck!
The door from the garage opened. I rushed to it and thanked God when she entered the kitchen. Running on adrenaline and panic, I moved to her wanting to hold her.
She held a hand up to block me. Hurt and anger lanced through me. Was she really going to continue to push me away?
“We need to act normal,” she said, with a nod behind her.
“No.” I wasn’t going to continue to live like our lives were separate any longer. “You’re my wife, Terra. It should be normal to hold you. I fucking need to hold you.”
“Umm…daddy said the f-word,” Lanie said as she and Noah filed through the door.
First things first, I thought, and pulled Terra to me. “I know we can’t talk now, but let me hold you for a second.”
She relaxed into me. Feeling her body settle into mine like a perfect puzzle piece highlighted just how long it had been since she and I had connected. Not just physically, like this, but emotionally as well.
“Are we still on for dinner?” she asked.
Jesus, I’d forgotten about that. I lifted my head to look at her.
“We can talk then,” she said.
“Yes, of course.” I caressed her cheek with my thumb noting how tired she looked. “Can I help with the kids?”
“Maybe you could take them out back and let them work off some of their energy while I make a snack.”
“Come on Burrow bugs, time to go out back to play,” I said.
“You said a bad word.” Noah’s serious face looked up at me.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said reaching down to pick up him and then Lanie.
“You shouldn’t use that word,” Lanie said, holding my cheeks in her tiny hands as she scolded me.
“You’re right.”
“You should go to time out,” she said sternly.
“I tell you what. Let’s go outside so you can play, and I’ll do time out there.”
“Okay.”