Imperfect Love (Heart of Hope 4)

It was difficult to focus on the kids when I had a driving need to be with Terra and to find out what was going on. But I did my best to act like everything was fine until Emma showed up with Nina to babysit.

“You’re not wearing that, are you?” she said when she saw Terra. I wondered if she knew about Terra’s diagnosis. She didn’t seem to, but maybe she was covering because she didn’t think I knew. It was another source of hurt and guilt that Terra might tell Emma about her illness before me.

I looked over at Terra who wore basic black slacks and a white blouse. It wasn’t fancy, but there was nothing wrong with it either.

“I don’t have—”

“You have this.” Emma thrust a garment bag to her.

“What did you do?” Terra asked, unzipping the bag.

“I got you that dress you should have bought when we were shopping. You thought you wouldn’t have an opportunity to wear it, yet as it turns out, you do.”

Emma gave me a look that suggested I needed to do better in spending time with my wife. She wasn’t wrong about that.

“You shouldn’t have,” Terra said. “It’s too much.”

“Pah. Go put it on. You can’t leave this house until you do.”

Terra bit her lower lip, a sure sign that she wanted the dress but felt conflicted about taking it.

“Can I reimburse you?” I asked Emma.

“No. This is my gift to you…to both of you. Now go, Ter. I’ve got to round up the rugrats.” She left the kitchen to go find the kids.

“I guess I’ll change.”

“I’ll wait,” I said, feeling bad that she hadn’t bought a dress she liked because she didn’t think she’d have a chance to wear it. It was yet another reminder that I’d need to do better. How many reminders had I had lately?

A few minutes later, she walked out and my heart rolled in my chest. She looked stunning. It reminded me of the Terra I’d met and fallen in love with before life had worn us down. The dress was snug over curves she’d developed since having kids. The top accentuated the fuller breasts that I occasionally imagined fucking, but now, wondered if they’d be removed with her new diagnosis.

Before, her long brown hair had been pulled back in a loose tail, but now it hung loose over her shoulders. It even appeared that she put on a little more makeup.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said. Propelled by the need to kiss her, I stepped to her.

Her smile was lovely although a little self-conscious as well. “I’m bigger than I used to be.”

I rubbed her arms with my hands. “The curves are sexy.” I smiled at her and then leaned in for the kiss I desperately needed.

When I pulled back, she dipped her head, looking down. Again, I felt like she was putting up a wall.

“Don’t Terra. Don’t withdraw from me.”

She smiled, but it felt forced. “Shall we go to dinner?”

On the drive, I twisted my brain into pretzels trying to figure out what was going on with her. Why was she putting up a wall?

Instead of going to the restaurant, I drove to the lake and parked. The moon cast a beautiful glow over the water. It had all the makings of romance, but clearly, Terra didn’t want that.

“What’s going on?” she asked as I turned off the engine.

“That’s what I want to ask you.” I tried to keep my voice neutral even though I was feeling irritated and desperate. “Let’s go for a walk

before dinner.”

She nodded and once out of the car, we walked along the water. We were silent as I waited for her to take the lead. When she didn’t, I jumped in.

“Tell me about the cancer.”