One of the reasons I liked Kyle was that his background was like mine; degrees in computer science and business. He understood our products and services, as well as how to make money from them. So, I should have felt steadier about giving him more responsibility, but unease still gripped my gut.
“That’s good news. I’m not planning to sell. And I suspect anyone who was serious about buying would have come to me. My guess is that they’re just feeling out the progress of the program. Keep a tight handle on all that. We don’t want it getting out until we’re ready.”
“Okay.”
“I need to trust you on this, Kyle. Not that I don’t trust you, but I need to know you’re up to taking on more responsibility.”
“You don’t have to worry. If I get stuck, I’ll confer with you.”
I nodded. I didn’t have much choice. I had to hope that he could run the ship that Terra and I had built. If he faltered, though, a lot could be lost. I didn’t need a failed business while my wife was being treated for cancer.
16
Terra
I don’t know why I was feeling disappointed. Of course, Brayden needed to go to work. I couldn’t expect him to drop everything to be with me without proper preparation at the office. It was unfair of me to want that. It wasn’t like I could drop my work, raising the kids, to be with him. We each had responsibilities. The best we could do was make sure we didn’t forget us again.
He said he was going to work on making more time, which I knew would be hard. Brayden wasn’t a control freak, but he did have trouble allowing others to into his domain. His need to be in the mix of everything wasn’t about control as much as it was about feeling secure. He wasn’t distrusting necessarily, but he had difficulty letting go of responsibilities for fear they wouldn’t be done right. I suppose that’s what made him so good in business. But it was also part of what got between us.
I should probably feel glad that he felt complete trust in me to deal with the kids and home, including our bills. That suggested he had faith and confidence in me. He’d done the same when we worked together to build the business.
A part of me thought that I should have begun working for the company part time when Noah started at full-day pre-k. It would have given me more time with Brayden, and probably prevented our estrangement. Now, it was too late for that. Now the focus was on my cancer.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror after getting out of the shower and studied my body. Once, I’d been lean, nearly boyish. Now I was rounder, softer, but last night Brayden acted like I had the sexiest body on earth. I cupped my breasts, remembering how he’d loved them. Would he lose his interest in me if they had to go? I knew I could have reconstructive surgery if ultimately, I
had to have a mastectomy, but that wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be these breasts.
I shook my head, not wanting to wallow in self-pity. Like Brayden, I needed to get my life in order. Chemotherapy would wipe me out physically, so I needed to figure out how to care for the kids and home when I was too tired or sick to do it.
I called Emma to ask her for lunch. She’d have ideas and tips on how to manage through cancer treatment as she’d been through it with her husband. I wondered if maybe that was cruel to ask her to go back to that dark time in her life. On the other hand, she was the one person I trusted to help me get my life in order to deal with this.
We met at a little bistro café near Pike’s Place. She ordered the soup and sandwich, while I ordered a soup and salad.
“So…how did last night go?” Her eyes gleamed. “Brayden couldn’t take his eyes off you in that dress. I’m patting myself on the back for getting it for you.”
I couldn’t stop the smile as the night I spent with Brayden came back to me.
“I know that look.” She waggled her eyebrows. “You two reconnected…horizontally.”
I laughed. “Yes.” I sighed. “It was wonderful. He’s…he’s really trying.”
“It’s hard to take the work out of a workaholic, but he loves you, Terra.”
“I know.” All of a sudden, a wave of sadness welled up as I considered how it would be for him if cancer treatment didn’t work. I couldn’t imagine losing him. Even when I’d talked to a lawyer about what was involved in a divorce, I couldn’t actually picture myself not being with him.
“Hey? What’s wrong?” Emma put her hand over mine.
I looked up at her through watery eyes. “I have cancer.”
Her eyes blinked like she wasn’t sure she heard me. “What?”
“Remember when we went shopping? When I first saw the dress? I noticed an anomaly on my breast. It’s cancer.”
“Oh God, Terra.” Her hand squeezed mine.
“I didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s hard for you.”
“Honey, I’m your friend.”