“Right now, I need to get things organized for me to take some time off,” I told him. Right now, my only focus was finding more time for Terra.
“I told him now wasn’t a good time, but didn’t tell him why. How is Terra?”
I sighed. “She’s strong, but I can see it’s tough on her.”
“It’s scary stuff,” Kyle agreed.
“I’m scared shitless. How about you? How’s your love life?” I realized I’d been so singularly focused on myself, I hadn’t checked in with him for a while.
Kyle shrugged. “I’m not sure at the moment.”
“Oh. Did the one get away?”
“Not away, but I’m not sure where we’re at. Love isn’t easy.”
Didn’t I know it.
Kyle worked with me and while he was doing all he could to alleviate my concerns about taking time off, I was still anxious about it. I knew I had irrational fears around maintaining financial security, but I’d been reading the financial news long enough to know that even large companies could go bankrupt or the economy could tank. While we had good health insurance, it was clear we’d have out of pocket expenses that were going to cost a fortune. I didn’t want Terra’s treatment to suffer because of lack of finances either.
I made it home by dinner time on Monday, but on Tuesday, working to get all my ducks in a row for taking off Wednesday and Thursday, I ran late. I called Terra to tell her.
“We were going to tell the kids tonight,” she reminded me.
I looked at the stack of work I wanted to get through before I headed home. I could bring some of it home, but then I’d need a way to bring it back, as some of it were things Kyle would need to deal with.
“Can we do it in the morning?”
For a moment she didn’t say anything and I imagined she was disappointed in me.
“I’m sorry honey, but this really does need to get done so I can have the next couple of days off.”
“Yes, okay.”
I hated that I was letting her down, but there wasn’t anything I could do. “I’ll get home as soon as possible.”
As it turned out, as soon as possible was nearly nine in the evening. The kids were in bed and Terra was just getting out of the tub.
She looked at me and while she didn’t have that expression of resentment that she’d had before, she was clearly not happy with me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, helping her into her robe.
“It’s fine. I know you like to feel in control.”
She said like it was a fault. Maybe it was.
“There’s a lot going on that involves me. It takes time to get that delegated.”
She went to the vanity and started combing out her long hair. She studied herself in the mirror and I wondered what she was looking for.
“I wonder if I should cut my hair.”
Huh?
“What if it falls out?”
My heart clenched in my chest. I felt like an insensitive ass for being so focused on work. I went to her, sliding my hands around her.
“The thing that always hooks me is your eyes,” I said, kissing her temple. “If your hair goes, it goes. As long as you’re here, that’s all that matters.”