“Good,” he repeated the word like he wasn’t sure he liked it. I could understand. I’d rather have excellent prognosis.
My doctor went over the plan again and info about reconstructive breast surgery. Brayden sat, listening attentively.
“We can schedule your surgery for two weeks from now,” he finished.
“Two weeks? Shouldn’t she get in right away?” Brayden asked. “You said we need to be aggressive. Couldn’t two weeks give the cancer more chance—”
“We want her to recover a bit more from the chemo and no, two weeks shouldn’t make a difference.”
He stood, which I took as the cue that our appointment was over. I rose from my chair as did Brayden.
“I’ll have the nurse get you some more information about the surgery as well as the reconstruction.”
“Thank you,” I said and then headed out the door. Brayden and the doctor followed.
I stood quietly as my doctor went to the nurse to ask her about the packet of information.
“Terra.” Brayden put his hand on my lower back, but I stepped away from his reach. “I’m sorry honey.”
I wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for being late or the news that I had to lose my breasts. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him now.
“She’ll be right with you,” my oncologist said and then disappeared into his office.
A few minutes later the nurse came out with a packet of papers and informational brochures. She went over each and then finished with information about support groups.
“We have several cancer support groups to help you before and after the surgery,” she explained.
“We have one for spouses and family too,” she said to Brayden handing him another brochure. “In fact, one is starting in a few minutes.”
“Thank you,” I said, shoving the information in my purse. I was quickly coming to the end of my emotional tether and wanted to get home.
As I walked toward the elevator, Brayden walked quietly beside me.
Once inside the elevator, he said, “I’m sorry I was late, honey. Really, I meant to—”
“You always mean to be there, Brayden. And yet, you can’t seem to tear yourself away from work to be with your family.” I shook my head. “By now you’d think I’d know the true love of your life.”
“That’s not fair, Terra. I’m working to make arrange—”
“Fair?” I swung around on him. “Fair?”
He winced like he knew it was the wrong choice of words. Still, he went on. “I was with you during all the treatments. I took time away from that, and I’ve been working hard to get more time, but I can’t just walk away from everything.”
“No. Not from your work. From me and the kids though, staying away is easy.” Okay, so maybe that was a little over the top, but not by much.
He swallowed. “Don’t be like that.”
“Like what Brayden? Don’t be angry that you couldn’t be on time when I learned my cancer was worse? That I’d need to have my breasts removed? That you couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to be here?”
He closed his eyes, and I hoped it was self-loathing he was feeling. “I’m sorry.”
The doors to the elevator opened, and I didn’t look at him as I started out.
“Terra, I have the rest of the day. Let’s—”
“No.” I stopped, whirled on him. “I’m going home to rest and regroup before I have to get the kids. You go back to work or do whatever. I don’t want to see you right now.”
His eyes widened in shock. I was a bit surprised by my outburst as well. We’d argued in the past, but I don’t think I’d ever said anything like that before.