Imperfect Love (Heart of Hope 4)

“Ah fuck,” he gasped as he collapsed on me. “Jesus…fuck…” His breath was harsh against my neck. Even as he lay there, his hips lifted and sank into me again, sending additional shimmers of pleasure through me.

I gripped him and buried my face in his chest as emotion swept through me. Love, guilt, fear.

“Oh god, did I hurt you?” He moved to get off of me, but I held him tighter.

“No.” I shook my head not realizing until then that I was crying. “No. I’m not hurt. Don’t move. Please. Just hold me.”

He gathered me close and kissed my temple. “What’s wrong baby?”

“Nothing. Everything is perfect.”

I didn’t know how long we lay like that. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that we were together.

Eventually, he rolled off and grabbed one of the blankets we’d gotten for the campout with the kids. He covered us both and then lay on his side, looking down on me.

He brushed my hair from my cheek. “Tell me you’re okay.”

I took his hand in mine. “I’m scared, Brayden.”

“Should we have not done that?”

“We should have. We should do it more. As much as possible. I just meant…I’m afraid I won’t survive.”

He dropped his forehead against mine. “I’m fucking terrified. The worst feeling in the world is not being able to make this go away. We’re about to be rich beyond our wildest dreams, and yet all that money can’t—” His voice cracked.

I knew what he was saying. Money didn’t always beat cancer. I knew it first hand because my father spared no expense to cure my mother, and she’d still died. Emma and Derek spent a fortune on alternative and traditional treatments, and he’d died.

“I wish it was me,” he whispered.

I shook my head. “No.”

“It would be better for the kids and your dad if it was.”

“I don’t worry about them.” Not anymore anyway. It was unfair and unreasonable to think Brayden wouldn’t take good care of the kids if I died.

“They need you. I need you, baby. Promise me you’ll fight. Promise me you won’t give up.” His voice was filled with such anguish.

I nodded. I’d once considered not fighting if it was a doomed endeavor. But now I knew that any chance, no matter how slight that treatment would work, I had to take it. If I died, I’d be gone forever, so any time with my family, even if I was too sick to enjoy it, was time I wouldn’t otherwise have. My mother couldn’t do much but lay helpless in bed at the end. But I do remember her smiling when I’d talk to her. She knew I was there. She had moments with me that she wouldn’t have had if she’d given up.

Brayden and I lay entwined in front of the fire until it began to die down.

“We should probably get to bed,” Brayden said rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “If we fall asleep, the kids might find us naked in their campsite. I’m not sure I want to try and explain that to them.”

I laughed. “No birds and bees talk yet, huh?”

“Never if I can help it.”

“You don’t like sex?”

He pressed his dick against me. “I love it with you. But our kids are never going to grow up and date. It’s never gonna happen.”

I laughed. “We should probably start researching monasteries and nunneries then.”

“You think I’m joking.” He grinned as he helped me up. He draped the blanket around me and handed me my clothes.

“No. But I’m not sure our grown kids will appreciate your hiding them away.”

“They won’t miss what they don’t know.”