“I’m not.” But now that my surgery was two days away, I was getting nervous. Not so much about the surgery itself but what the doctors might find when they opened me up. What if the cancer had spread?
“You can rest when we get home. I’ll deal with the kids.”
“I want to help too. I’ll be out of it for a few days after the surgery, and then I’ll be going into treatment again. I want as much time with you and them while I have the energy.”
He nodded and reached over to take my hand. He pulled it to his lips for a kiss.
Noah was the first to arrive at the office when we stopped to pick the kids up at school.
“Look what I made,” he said holding up a picture showing four human stick figures in a tent. “It’s us camping.”
“It’s terrific,” Brayden said squatting down to get a closer look.
Lanie joined us, her face lighting up when she saw both of us.
“Are you and daddy going to take us and pick us up every day?” she asked as we walked back to the car.
“Well, we need to talk about that,” Brayden answered.
“Why?”
His expression was unsure as he looked at me.
“How about we go get a snack and go to the park?” I said. We needed to talk to the kids about my surgery, but I didn’t want to do it in the car.
At the park, we let the kids play for a little bit and then they came to the picnic table Brayden and I were sitting at to have their snack.
“Remember when I told you that I had to see the doctor again?” I said.
“He’s going to operate,” Noah said, taking a bite of the snack bar we’d bought for them.
“Yes. That’s right. Well, that’s coming up in two days. I’ll be gone a couple of days.”
“Who’s going to take care of us?” Lanie asked around a mouthful of her snack bar.
“I am,” Brayden said.
Lanie frowned. “But what about when you work?”
“I won’t be working. Sometimes I’ll be with your mom, and Emma will help then, but for the most part you’ll have me. Are you alright with that?”
“I am,” Noah said. “I like it when you’re home.”
“Me too. But how will we get money if you don’t work a lot.” Lanie was ever the detail girl.
“Mom and I sold the business. We now have lots of money and lots of time. Maybe when mommy’s all better, we can go on a trip. Would you like that?”
“Yay! Can we go real camping?” Noah asked.
“Sure.” Brayden patted Noah on the shoulder. “And you two can catch our dinner since you know how to fish.”
Lanie’s nose squished in distaste. “I don’t want to eat fish.”
I liked that we were making plans. It made it seem like I wasn’t sick. But I was sick and a part of me wondered if I’d be able to do all the things Brayden was planning. Since I couldn’t be sure, I had to savor every moment of time I was here.
There was so much to be grateful for, and I worked to focus on all the good in my life right now, instead of what I’d miss if things didn’t go my way or on what I had missed with Brayden by not being more supportive and understanding, and letting him slip away from me.
That night, I lay with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was another perfect moment I wanted to capture and remember; the warmth and love of my husband holding me.